"It is sometimes the appropriate response to reality to go Insane"
-Philip K. Dick, Valis
"I have found both freedom and safety in my madness;
The freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood,
For those who understand us enslave something in us."
-Kahlil Gibran, The Madman, The Madman
"So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought,
Heading for places in your past where the screaming is unbearable,
Remember there's always madness. Madness is the emergency exit."
-Alan Moore, Batman: The Killing Joke
MADNESS
August, 22, 2014
Hi, I'm Noah. My therapist thought it would be a good idea to make a journal, you know to keep track of my day to day experiences and try to regain some normalcy in my life. You see I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and I suffer from PTSD I think. Well, at least that's what everyone whispers when I walk out of a room or whenever I get upset. It’s always; don't mind Noah he's not all there, or he doesn't look like he's crazy, or really, that's the guy who they found naked on the school football field. By the way, I was not completely naked, I had on socks and I wasn't on the football field I was on the practice field, its completely different but no one seems to understand that.
I know it sounds bad but it wasn't always like this, in fact, I was the definition of normal. That's right forgettable Noah, easily overlooked and as bland as vanilla yogurt. I was the kid no one knew, the kid that sat in the middle of the class. If this world was a keyboard I'd be the scroll lock key, if life was a motion picture I'd be an understudy for an extra, better yet I am Martin Van Buren, you know eighth president of the United States, 1837-1841, "Little Magician" "The Red Fox of Kinderhook", still nothing? Don't worry! Noone else knows him either.
That was me, Noah the ghost. That was until everything happened, I've been the center of attention ever since then and you know what? I really kind of wish things would just go back to the way they were......
January 10, 2013
I figured that it would be best to start a few days before everything went all Alice in wonderland on me so here goes...
That morning started off just like any other morning had for as far back as I can remember. I woke up three minutes before my alarm and rolled out of bed. I shuffled past my Donald Glover for president poster and made my way through the Bob Marley bead thingy that acted as a door to my bathroom. Pee, Shower, Brush, floss, then attempt to do something with my hair, so far the morning had been pretty unremarkable.
The walk to the bus was a little more entertaining, I've always loved the sound that snow makes when you step on it. It’s like walking down the street and stepping on the crunchy leaves. It makes you feel happy, you don't know why but the little kid in you always seems to crack a smile, anyway, the snowy symphony made the walk to the bus a little more bearable than it has been since I've been in high school. It’s a five block walk and the bus pulled up just as I arrived, Joe was on time again. Always arriving just as "dead or alive" off of Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet" came to its glorious conclusion.
I always wait to get on the bus last, I hate all the shoving and pushing that the other kids do, I know I'm a Jr. I should have dibs on the cool seats but confrontation isn't my area of expertise. So I waited until the crowd funneled into the bus. Then I made my way past the freshmen and sophomores, the hierarchy was something everyone was forced to abide by. I finally reached my seat and noticed the football players in the back, all of whom have a combined i.q of 12, smirking and pointing at me, I turned toward my seat and saw. Someone thought it would be funny to fill my seat with snow. Snow a fickle mistress we had just shared a moment of musical passion, now she sat their mocking me along with those meat heads. ET TU Snow Flakes, ET TU?
"Good one guys," I said as I turned to find a seat that wasn't occupied by that slushy back stabber. Just my luck the only seat open would be hers, I thought as I made my way over to it.
"This seat taken?" I said under my breath.
"No it isn't." Tabatha said
For you folks who don't know Tabatha is that girl, you know the weird one. The one no one else really ever see's outside of school, the girl whose clothes always smell faintly of cats and who uses recycled book covers and only eats organic foods. Yeah her and that's who I'm stuck with. I'm no Ray Liotta but this girl is way too odd to be considered human.
So I sat down and before she could even get the notion that I wanted anything to do with her I shoved my headphones into my ears and turned the volume to its max, you know to the point where the screen says continued listening at this level may cause damage to the ear drums.
The ride was going smooth besides the subtle smell of kitten that found its way to my nose every so often. My eyes were closed as the music played so when she tapped me on my shoulder I nearly jumped out of my skin. Taking out my headphones I turned to her and said "what’s up" this was actually the first time I had ever really noticed her. Her bangs were cut unevenly and her hair flowed in dark black waves down her back, she had thick eyebrows, but in that attractive way sort of like Camilla Belle or Denise Richards. Her eyes were an almost copper color and so strong and compassionate, her lips were full and curved subtlety upward, and her deep dimples helped drive me to my conclusion, she was beautiful.
"Hello, earth to Noah."
"I'm sorry, I kind of spaced out there what were you saying?"
“I asked was that A Tribe Called Quest?'
"Yea it is. Ididn’t think anyone else listened to them."
"Are you kidding I love them, they’re like my favorite."
"Oh that's cool," I said as I put my headphones back in and turn the music back on. She's cute and all but she stills smells like cat.
The bus pulled up to the school and I got off and make my way up to the front steps.
School was just as boring as ever. Except for the fight that broke out at lunch. It always amuses me when two meat heads get into fights, sort of reminds me of the animal channel when one Gorilla challenges the other Gorilla for the right to mate, you always know when it’s coming because one meat head usually puffs his chest out and walks up with his followers all of them with that look in their eye, then the usual alpha stands up and puffs his chest out, then the screeching starts, and this show of false bravado usually goes on until one ape decides to take a swing, and then all hell breaks loose. Now that I think of it, it’s not that hard to believe that we evolved from apes in the first place.
Where was I? Oh yeah, so the school day came to a close and I found my way to the bus. Tabatha stood up as I entered the bus and waved me down, I walked over.
"What’s up?" I said sliding into the seat
"So I was thinking. You know about earlier on the bus, and how you're into A Tribe Called Quest, and I thought since we shared a common taste in music you would probably enjoy this concert I'm going to. See my sister bailed on me and I'm left with an extra ticket."
"I'll think about it"
"Great well here's my number call me soon the concerts in 3 days."
I took the slip of paper from her and then I shoved my headphones back into my ears before she could say another word. I didn't want to be rude but I couldn't let her get the idea that we were like going to be friends or something. I didn't really have time for friends see, my life was planned out, and no room existed for the cute kitten girl from outer space.
