You ruin families.

You steal money.

You become priority.

You feed loneliness.

You provoke violence.

You cause deep rooted sickness.

You rob people of their talents.

You promote selfishness.

You tell lies.

You prohibit success.

You block new beginnings.

You cause pain.

You ruin plans.

You let people down.

-He was dependent; He isolated himself with a bottle. The bottle he felt was all he had. He stopped attending family events and swore it was because he hated the family, but he just hated himself. He was meaner than remembered and if he showed up, he feared they would see his sickness. He felt shame. He had no money because he drank it all away and his wife couldn’t even look at him anymore…But every time he picked up the bottle his troubles seemed to disappear for a little while. When he picked up the bottle he felt normal, he couldn’t get away…

I wrote what I wrote above to explain a little bit on what it’s like watching and loving an alcoholic. I won’t say who in my family has struggled with the illness but I will say it is the toughest thing to deal with. You wonder why they say the hurtful things they say and you become upset knowing you can never rely on them to be there for you like they should be. It hurts to watch someone you love who is filled with so much talent, let themselves go to waste. Any time you are around them they reek of alcohol and despair; you try to go in with an optimistic attitude and are immediately torn down by their pessimistic outlook on life.

The worst part is when they do not even realize they have a problem. You will try time and time again to encourage them, only to fail in your efforts. You will grow bitter and angry, and you will let them push you away. The love you have for them slowly turns to resentment and you find yourself making up excuses not to see them. Every time you have plans to meet with them you hope they will be sober, but they never are. The truth is, it is hard to love someone who is dependent on alcohol. You will go through great lengths to get them treatment and to support them...but at the end of the day no one can receive help unless they want it. Loving someone with an addiction can tear you apart. I am writing this to say it is completely okay to take a step back, it is completely okay to love someone from a far. I love my family member dearly, but as one single person I realize there is only so much I can do, I can't cure their illness.Today the family member is sober... but I initially had to take a step back and let them figure it out on their own. As harsh as it sounds, you can not carry someone through their sober journey ... they have to carry themselves, they have to want to get sober more than you want it for them.