Learning To Love (You) From A Distance
Start writing a post

Learning To Love (You) From A Distance

May the space between us allow you to grow into the man I know you'll be.

Learning To Love (You) From A Distance
Amari Gilmore

Back in January, after accidentally discovering that Snapchat video of you with her, my life fell apart. I felt pains I'd never felt before. A pain that I could only describe as being like disorienting TV fuzz. Or, like tiny, pinchy needles prodding my skin's soft tissue- plunging deep into my soul's firm foundation of faith in true love. I felt exposed, rubbed raw with the newness of betrayal. I'd never felt pain like that before... but, I digress.

We weren't necessarily dating… so I can't say you cheated on me. But, we definitely had something going for us. I remember the day you and I met up in the middle of the summer to eat burgers at this basic little diner near our school. Every other exchange of words we shared made my stomach crack and crumble; your words created countless earthquake inside me. I shook with sweet anticipation each time your lips parted to speak.

And, I still do. I still shake, break, and crumble at your words; failed promises, re-imagined you-with-her images, and bulls*it excuses seem to have the same effect on me as your kind words once did.

But, I forgave you. And even now, as I write this, I forgive you. My heart hides no hate for you in it. Actually, I love you more now than I loved you months ago. I love you more than the lies your lips spoke into my heart and I love you more than all the times you bailed on me. Recently, I've found myself wondering how to love you better and unfortunately for me (and maybe you) I think separating myself from you would be the best kind of love I could ever give you.

So, here I am, learning to love you from a distance.

In the six months since you chose to love her instead of me, I've made a few decisions. The first, and most important, decision made was about me; I decided to love myself. You helped me realize that no one will ever love me more than I love me. I haven't quite mastered the art of self-love yet, but the days since the Snapchat fiasco have brought me and self-love closer.

I'm happy to report that self-love and I are the best of friends now.

My newly formed friendship with self-love brought on a second decision- I wanted to love you correctly. I decided I wanted you to be happy and I wanted you to know self-love as I know it. I wanted you to plant yourself in a community of people who love you and care for you- I wanted you to grow. And you will. Without me.

Neither of us needs to keep choking on the weeds of our shared past.

We can't go back to random dinner dates, or late night phone calls, or shared pain. I can't accept your hugs as I used to, and I can't share certain thoughts with you like I want to. If there is nothing else I've learned about us, it's that we have so much growing to do- alone.

In the long run, this "love from a distance" thing will be best for us both. I will grow into the flower of a person I am destined to be and you will root and establish yourself in God, and in a community of people whose love you can accept. Maybe one day, we can reconvene our friendship but, until that day comes, I know it's best to stay apart.

The right thing to do is almost never the easy thing to do. But, no decision is ever difficult when made with loving intentions. I intend to set you free: not quite free to love her again... because you guys were not made for each other... but free to love yourself and free to love your life.

I will embrace this new love you from a distance thing because I know its the best thing for you. You are going to flourish in my absence. And, I promise you, ill do the same.

I love you, _____. Please don't forget it. I love you.


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Rap Songs With A Deeper Meaning

Rap is more than the F-bomb and a beat. Read what artists like Fetty, Schoolboy Q, Drake, and 2Pac can teach you.

Rap artist delivers performance on stage
Photo by Chase Fade on Unsplash

On the surface, rap songs may carry a surface perception of negativity. However, exploring their lyrics reveals profound hidden depth.Despite occasional profanity, it's crucial to look beyond it. Rap transcends mere wordplay; these 25 song lyrics impart valuable life lessons, offering insights that extend beyond the conventional perception of rap music.

Keep Reading...Show less

21 Drinks For Your 21st Birthday

Maybe don't try them all in one day...

21 Drinks For Your 21st Birthday

My 21st birthday is finally almost here. In honor of finally turning 21, I thought I'd share 21 fun drinks since it's finally legal for me to drink them.

Some of these drinks are basic, but some of them are a little more interesting. I thought they all looked pretty good and worth trying, so choose your favorites to enjoy at your big birthday bash!

Keep Reading...Show less

Ancient Roman Kings: 7 Leaders of Early Rome

The names and dates of the reigns of the first four kings, as well as the alternation of Sabin and Latin names, are more legendary than historical. The last three kings, of Etruscan origin, have an existence which seems less uncertain.

inside ancient roman building
Photo by Chad Greiter on Unsplash

It is evident that all this is only a legend although archeology shows us little by little that these kings if they did not exist as the ancient history, describes them, have at least in the very Outlines were real as chief of a shepherd’s tribe. The period when kings ruled Rome could estimate at 245 years.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Love Lost

Being the girl that is falling for the boy is never easy.

Love Lost

You constantly text my phone telling me that you want to see me and hang out, even though we may not have sex we cuddle and that’s intimacy in its own. I’m tired of buying you food and being there for you like a girlfriend when you consistently tell me you aren't ready for a girlfriend. I am constantly feeling I’m getting slapped in the face because I’m doing all these things and getting nothing in return. Every day I feel myself liking you more which is just crazy because why would I even waste my time liking someone there isn’t a future with. I just want you to be honest with me and with yourself, tell me how you feel from your heart, stop just saying you aren’t ready. You are wasting time telling me you aren’t ready because while you are “getting ready” some guy somewhere else is telling me that he likes me and thinks I’m beautiful and wants to date me. I’m not asking for much, but I at least want exclusivity because you ask me for all these things but in return you give me nothing.

Keep Reading...Show less
Pretty Little Liars

From reading the books in eighth grade to watching the television show all throughout high school, "Pretty Little Liars"basically defined my teenage existence. I was completely and totally obsessed on all accounts. However, even though I loved the fact that the books and the show are starkly different, there are simply just some ways in which the books are much better. Let's take a look:

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments