Everyone can experience anxiety at different times during their life. Some are lucky enough to experience it in small increments while others, like myself, experienced it young.
When you are young and you have lots of anxiety, you can seem "different" or "sensitive." Bullying seems to bother you more when you are young. Being sensitive can be seen as a weakness. When you are a child, chances are that you believe everything you hear. If a bully is bringing you down and making you feel like you stand out in a bad way, you will believe there is something wrong with you. Children are usually not diagnosed with anxiety until much later in their lives.
During high school is when I noticed that something about me was totally different than others who were around me. There were times that I would feel like my lungs were collapsing when I was just sitting in the middle of class. I would feel like there is a huge hole in my chest that is aching. Often times, I would never know why I would be feeling like this. Instead of taking criticism as I should, I would take it to heart and overthink on it. Overthinking seemed to happen more than any other symptom in the beginning. I would cry often, and sometimes it would be over the silliest thing. People would make fun of me for crying. They would make me feel like what I was feeling I should be ashamed of or should "suck it up." I had my first anxiety attack in high school. It was one of the scariest things I have ever experienced. At the time, I felt like I could have had a heart attack. During an anxiety attack, you feel so helpless and like you are struggling just to breathe. Your thoughts are running rampant and you can barely speak a few words. You can't catch your breath.
In college, I was quite familiar with how my anxiety worked. I finally got to the point that I could talk myself out of my attacks. I could convince myself that I was safe and that I was OK. The real struggle began when I started dating the man who I am going to marry.
Anxiety is hard to explain to anyone, especially those who have never experienced it to the extent that you have. The first time I had an anxiety attack in front of him, I was mortified. I didn't have time to explain to him what was going on in my head. I was sobbing, gasping for air, and my whole body went stiff. He held me while I cried, but I could tell in his eyes that what was going on was scaring him. I mean, why wouldn't it?
After it was all over, I had to try to put into words why my attacks happen (even though I usually am not even sure), how my body reacts to this stress, and what seems to help these attacks. It is really hard to put your feelings into words. After this happening, I knew that him loving me was going to be different than he had ever loved anyone. Loving someone with anxiety takes a lot of patience, a lot of caring and kindness, and a lot of understanding. It is not easy to love someone who cannot even explain why they feel the way they do.
Everyone's anxiety is different. There are hundreds of different causes, reactions, symptoms, and relief methods.
If you love someone who has anxiety, here are a few tips that may be able to help you understand why this is happening.
1. What can help them could be that they just need someone to remind them that they are safe, loved, and what they are feeling is OK to be felt. They don't need someone to make them feel like they are crazy or that them feeling this emotion is wrong. They need someone who will try to understand why they feel this way and help them to restore peace in their heart.
2. Ask what you can do to help. Someone people do not want to be touched or some need complete quietness. By asking this, you can be a very helpful aid in their time of need.
3. Try to understand why they feel this way. Don't bug them with tons of questions during an attack, but try to pay a lot of attention to details. Are there certain triggers to their attacks? Is there something that you do that can help them slow their breathing, or feel calmer? The more you know about their attacks, the easier it will be to help them over time.
4. Don't pressure them. Try not to ask questions that they probably cannot answer like, "What just happened?" Or "Tell me what I can do to help!!" Putting more pressure on someone who is having an anxiety attack will only further their feeling of panic. They don't want to scare you but they want your help. They don't want to feel alone.
If you have anxiety, always try to remember that you are NOT your disease. You are bigger than this disease. You are allowed to feel these feelings and to deal with them as you wish. Don't ever let someone make you feel like your disease makes you a different person. You are like millions of other people who are struggling. You are not alone. Take a deep breath and repeat, "Let Go and Let God."
