Imagine you are in a hot room. No air conditioning or anything. The door is locked, there are no windows and it is very dark. You feel the dryness in the air, and when you gulp to take a breath, no air enters your body. Your hands start to lock up, along with your whole body. You start to cry, but no tears or sound comes out. You feel as if you are suffocating. This is exactly what I feel when I start to have an anxiety attack.
Anxiety attacks can occur in a number of situations. Mine occur when I am stressed, when I am in a huge crowd of people or when I am nervous about anything, whether it be a test or meeting new people. I can never escape them. When I find myself in one of these situations, the first thing that happens is I start to sweat, and the whole right side of my body starts to lock up. I always beg myself to calm down, take a deep breathe and close my eyes, but as soon as I acknowledge that the attack is happening, it instantly becomes worse. In the moment, nothing can calm me down.
The first anxiety attack that I have ever had was at a pep rally my sophomore year of high school. I have always been afraid of large crowds, but I realized how large that fear was that day. As the pep rally went on, we all had to get closer together and it was hot. When my hands started to lock up, I honestly had no idea what was going on. I just breathed through it, and my hands went back to normal. Then all of a sudden, I could not move. It hit me that I was freaking out. I did not want to get up because I am the type of person that cares so much about what other people think, but right then, I did not care. I bolted out of that gym in tears. It was the scariest moment of my life.
When I think about having an anxiety attack, I feel as if I'm not normal. I sometimes feel like no one could ever love me if I am freaking out over certain things. It makes me even more nervous because I start college soon. I know that people around the world feel exactly what I feel. They may feel differently during the attack and they may have an attack for different reasons than I do, but we all feel each others pain and feel for each other. I always try to put on a happy face and be outgoing, but there are sometimes when anxiety gets the best of me, and I can not do much about it. The feeling is just overwhelming. People make fun of those who have public anxiety attacks and call them freaks or say they are overreacting. I want to say to those people what I said in my first paragraph. Imagine the place I described. I honestly do not think that you could stay in that miserable place and feel the things I feel without freaking out. Anxiety is a normal thing, everyone has it.
To those struggling with anxiety: you are not alone. Do not ever feel as if no one goes through exactly what you are. Always keep your head up, and think about the positivity you have in your life. Most importantly, let God reign control in your life. Pray to him about any anxiety you have an you will instantaniously feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders.
"Cast all of your anxiety on him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
