Thursday’s debate was easily the highlight of my week, as nerdy as that may sound. I love grown men getting extra sassy and jumping down each other’s throats. I mean, what’s not to like? I also love politics. It’s incredibly important to be informed on what’s going on in our country. If you happened to miss the debate, or you like reading up on this kind of stuff as much as I do, here is my delightfully sarcastic (and occasionally intellectual) outlook on each of the candidates.

I guess I’ll start by talking about someone I don’t like because why not. The first thing, and probably the only important thing, I got from Mike Huckabee is that he is very, very against abortion. I mean, of course, he is! He’s a Republican, and after all, isn’t that their thing? He wants to do something more radical than just de-funding Planned Parenthood, which as a woman and a sane human being scares the daylights out of me. He is against gay marriage (sorry pal, that ship has sailed). He talks about God way too much. Oh and he thinks that the purpose of the military is to “kill people and break things," rather than to protect American society. Also, he looks like a fish.

I’ve heard mixed things about Scott Walker and I don’t know what to make of it. All I know is that my man Scott is really proud that he was the first one to de-fund Planned Parenthood. I personally don’t see that as an accomplishment, but hey, that’s just me. He basically avoided the question about police violence against African Americans (although I’m pretty sure most of the candidates would have found a way around answering that one) and generally seemed pretty flat. On the plus side, his answer about Wisconsin’s economy was great and he looks like a pleasant man (think of a dad from an old sitcom).

Ted Cruz did nothing to upset me. Truthfully, I didn’t get much from him because I spent most of the time trying to decide how much his accent annoyed me. I hear he did a great job, though.

Dr. Ben Carson is a funny guy. He makes some great jokes, but I’m not sure if that qualifies him to be president of our nation. But out of all the candidates he is “the only one to separate Siamese twins. The only one to operate on babies while they were still in their mother’s womb. The only one to take out half of a brain” (direct Carson quote from the debate) so I still think he’s pretty damn impressive. I think his lack of knowledge on foreign affairs and inexperience in politics is concerning, but I suppose he still has time to learn.

I pity Jeb Bush. I also wish he was my grandpa, but that’s irrelevant. I think most of us would agree that George W. Bush was not a good president. But that doesn’t mean Jeb should be held accountable for his brother’s mistakes, which, unfortunately, seems to be the likely outcome. Because of his brother’s reputation, Jeb has a lot more to prove. Unfortunately for him, I don’t think he quite hit the bar last night. His breakout moment for me personally was when he was talking about how we needed to control our borders - he is a believer in earned legal status, not amnesty.

Donald Trump wants to build a giant wall between the United States and Mexico to prevent immigration. A literal wall. I don’t know how well that idea will go but I do think we could rock it. It’ll basically be our version of The Great Wall of China. (I would say his wall is actually the equivalent of the Berlin wall, but I don’t want to do that, because that’s not nice.) Just imagine a huge wall with a sign that says “The Great Wall of Trump” or maybe just has a giant picture of his arrogant face. I think it could become a big tourist attraction or something. Maybe this whole wall idea could be financially beneficial. Honestly, Donald Trump really wasn’t that bad, which quite frankly upsets me because I don’t like him, nor do I think he would be the best man to run our country. But I can see how some people would like him (even though I think it’s a given we’ll end up with World War 3 under his command). Can we give him a month long try out or something? I think that would be fun.

We can all agree Donald Trump is the most entertaining out of all the candidates. Chris Christie is a close second. The dude has some spunk. One of my favorite exchanges from the whole night consisted of the following:

Rand Paul- “I don't trust President Obama with our records. I know you gave him a big hug, and if you want to give him a big hug again, go right ahead.”

Chris Christie- “Senator Paul, you know, the hugs that I remember are the hugs that I gave to the families who lost their people on September 11.”

I’m from New Jersey. I may not be the biggest Chris Christie fan, but I have to compliment him on how he handled Hurricane Sandy. A lot of Republicans obviously didn’t appreciate how chummy he got with President Obama, but that shouldn’t be the focus. The important thing was that they were working together to help those who were affected by the hurricane. And I truly believe they did the best job they could have. So yeah, Rand Paul’s comment annoyed me (so did his hair by the way) and I applaud Christie for firing back at Paul, even if he could have said something more relevant to the situation Paul was mentioning. Christie has his upsides and his downsides, but he made plenty of decent points so I’m honestly surprised he isn’t being viewed more favorably.

Someone who is being viewed favorably now is Ohio Governor John Kasich. Kasich talks about religion far too much but he seems like a pretty nice guy. His reasoning for expanding Medicaid was very well put: “I had an opportunity to bring resources back to Ohio, to do what? To treat the mentally ill. Ten thousand of them sit in our prisons, at $22,500 a year. I’d rather get them the medication so they can lead a decent life.” I really don’t know much else about him so I’ll definitely look out for him in the future.

I have nothing else to say about Rand Paul then what I already said. I don’t like him. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the hair. Maybe it’s the accent. Maybe it’s how often he jumps in when he’s not being spoken to. Who knows?

Someone I did like was Marco Rubio. If you’re one of those people who refuses to consider a Republican's point of view because they are all “old white men”, you’re in luck because Rubio is only 44. He knows his stuff and he is super relatable (at least I think so). Rubio, the son of a bartender and Cuban immigrants, was raised paycheck to paycheck and fully understands the plight of the lower-class. As someone who is probably going to be in debt until they're 97 in order to get an education, I like the idea of having a leader who has been in the same place (according to Rubio, he still owed $100,000 in student loans just four years ago). His thoughts on immigration also seem reasonable. As of right now, my only caveat is his inconsistent stance on abortion. When asked about his exceptions to an abortion ban in cases of rape or incest, he declared that he had never said that. Maybe he never said that, but he did support a bill that banned abortion with exceptions for the life of the mother, rape or incest (which I would say is more in line with the common person’s views anyway). I know many politicians must sway from their real views in order to get their party’s nomination, but I wish that didn’t have to be the case.

In conclusion, I’m pretty sure half these men think they have God’s cellphone number, Rand Paul has bad hair, and if Donald Trump becomes president I’m moving to Canada. Otherwise, I think there are some promising candidates and I look forward for what is to come. At least if none of these guys pan out we can still vote for Independent Bernie Sanders.