I'm sitting here crying silently, tears hitting the keyboard, hoping I'm not typing too loud because I don't want to wake up my roommate. My room smells like the forest fire raging a few miles away, and I find myself wishing for the fire alarm to go off so that the chaos I feel internally can be seen externally.

I feel like I am a fire alarm. I am flashing the warning lights and wailing a warning call. I have been doing so for months but tonight they finally got tired of me and took out the batteries. I feel broken and defeated and absolutely terrified.

I don't know how I'll make it to my 8 am. Or my 10 am. Or lunch, or work, or to anywhere. I want to stay here, curled in a ball, and sleep through the next four years. That is my initial desired response to this election because it scares me that much.

I can't believe how confident I was going into this. Trump defied the models before, but that was for a primary. I didn't care about a primary. I cared about the big one. Election night. As I watched states turn red, electors delegated to Trump, and Hillary's chances slipping, I had to close my laptop. I tried to sleep, but it never came. At 2:45, I finally braved a peek at my phone and was delivered the soul-crushing message, Trump was going to be the next leader of our country.

In the immediate aftermath, all I could do was try to form a coherent response. I posted this status, and I hope that I can model the respect I claim to have in the days and weeks to come.

I want to scream, I want to fight, but I'm not going to. To reject the outcome, claim it was rigged, demand a recount... it's all childish and futile. This is happening. I have to accept it and move on. My life is under MY control. Does the government have a say in it? Some. Does it determine if I live the life I want to live? I'd like to see them try to stop me.

While I am terrified of what could come from this election, it's over. My campaigning is over, my voting is over, it's all over. It's all done. I can hate the outcome but I can't change it. I need to save my fight for things I can control. In January, I'm going to Africa to study abroad for five months. I've joked throughout this election that I might move there permanently if the election doesn't go my way, but barring nuclear explosion I still plan on returning in May and living as an American citizen for the next four years. I plan on living as an American citizen if the election doesn't go my way for the next 8 years...12, 16, 20, whatever. I plan on being happy. I plan on keeping my rights, and fighting against anyone who tries to take them away. I plan on starting a career in social justice and fighting against the very same things that scared me about Trump's campaign. I plan on ensuring that someone out there gets a positive image of an American and a woman by the example I set.

I didn't plan on losing this election. I voted for three women and all three of them lost. But lose I did, and move on I must. Life is about so much more than one presidential election or the entirety of presidential elections. Politics is important, but so is the rest of life. This election has been going on for over a year, and I've been totally engrossed in it. It's time I took a step back and focused on my own future, my own life, and the people I love. So while I lost this election, I found myself. I found out that I can let my voice be heard, I can cast my vote, I can lose an election, and I can survive. I'm done crying, and I'm done whining. I'm even going to be done worrying for a little while. I can't let this election be the single-narrative of my life for the next few months. It's over. I'm going to do the things that make me happy. I'm going to be with the people that make me happy. I'm going to trust that everything will work itself out and I'm going to trust that my higher power knows what they're doing. So while I still have that fear and anxiety in the back of my mind, I'm going to leave it there for a while. I need to be me, independent of the fear. I need to move on. We all need to move on.

We are a nation of many different people. Now that the election is over, we need to come together and reconcile some of our differences. We need to be a nation again. "A house divided against itself cannot stand." If we want to survive, it doesn't really matter who is sitting in the Oval Office, it matters who is sitting in our living rooms. If we work together to overcome our differences of opinion, we will truly come out as being stronger and I won't feel like a fraud when I say the UNITED States. We need to be united. Not in opinion, but in our commitment to each other and our country. Being an American citizen is like being married. For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health, we have to be committed to caring for one another. Just because it's hard to love people sometimes doesn't mean you get a divorce. Don't immigrate to Canada, don't blame "those people", suck it up and move on. Suck it up and love them anyways. Work to end the injustices you see, work to do the things that make you happy and work to love everyone around you.

The 2016 presidential election is over, it's time to move on.