It's A Long Road
Health and Wellness

It's A Long Road

And it's far from over...

Max Pixel

I had a procedure done a few weeks ago where the doctor numbed my thoracic nerves in the hopes of ridding me of my pain.

He prepared me, saying that the procedure had the possibility of providing one of three things: no relief, short-term relief, or long-term relief. It could go any way; it just depended on my body and how it reacted to the cortisone.

I told myself over and over again I wasn't going to get excited.

I wasn't going to grab hold of any hope.

Believing in this procedure working when there was a possibility it wouldn't would be the most stupid thing I could do. I knew it wouldn't hurt, it would kill, if the results weren't favorable.

Still, I prayed to God that this procedure would work for me. And that was my first mistake.

By praying it would work, I was subconsciously filling myself up with belief.

I had the procedure done and for four glorious hours, I was almost entirely pain-free. I cried because I was filled with so much relief that something had finally worked.

Boy, was reality about to bitch-slap me in the face.

I went in to talk to my pain management doctor about the results, and what I thought was going to be a promising visit turned into the exact reason I didn't want to believe in the first place.

The procedure had worked.

But, apparently, it didn't work enough. The pain relief didn't last as long as it should.

I sat there in the doctor's office listening to my doctor go on and on about other options and different avenues we could take to try and reduce my pain.

He said I'm only twenty, I'll be okay.

It could be worse.

I sat there, nodding my head at the man who had managed to crush my dreams in a matter of ten seconds. I was hearing him speak but not really listening to what he was saying.

Why bother?

How could I listen to what he had to say when I felt like I was just kicked in the stomach (literally)?

"This is why I don't hope and pray for things regarding my illness. This is the exact reason why." It was like a mantra I kept chanting in my head over and over again.

I willed myself to keep the tears at bay, to not show him how utterly devastated I was from his words. But dammit, I was devastated.

I numbly took my new prescriptions and left the office. I got in the car and started to drive home.

But then I started thinking...

It could be worse.

It could be way worse.

I'm still breathing. I'm still alive. I don't have a fatal disease. There aren't any masses riddling and poisoning my body. There isn't any cancer attacking my bones or my organs.

The sun is still out. I still have my family and my friends. I have an amazing support system. I have a roof over my head and shoes under my feet and nice clothes on my body. Life could be so much worse.

So as I drove home, I thought about everything I was grateful for. Everything I have and everything I've lost. Everything and anything that means something to me.

And I'll tell you, the things I've lost, like my ability to walk around pain-free, doesn't even minutely compare to all the good and right I have in my beautiful life.

That is what is important.

That is what's always been important and always will be important.

So it's been a long road-- and it's far from over. But I have the ability to stop and appreciate my bounty along the way.

And that's okay with me. More than okay. That's all that I need.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Podcasts are such an integral part of some of our everyday lives that it can be hard to recall a time at which they didn't exist. Podcasts exist on about every single topic, from dating to celebrity gossip and Harry Potter.

Now more than ever, it's likely you're reeling from the news, and (hopefully) wanting to do something about it in order to educate yourself. Podcasts are one of the best ways to get the most up-to-date information in a conversational, personal way from some of today's top educators, scholars, and theorists.

Keep Reading... Show less

Stop Pitying Me Because I'm Single, I'm Very Happy With My Relationship With Myself

I don't need your opinions on why I'm single and you're not. We are two different people.

I'm so happy for my friends when they get into relationships, but that doesn't mean they get to have control over my love life, and that is what bothers me. For the record, I've been in four relationships, one lasting for three years, so I do understand relationships.

Keep Reading... Show less

13 Books About Race Absolutely Every American Should Read, Especially Now

Books about black lives, from classics to new must-reads.

It's likely you are seeing the current state of the world and wanting to do something about it. Whether you're only beginning to or wanting to deepen your understanding of the black experience, these books are precisely where to start.

Some, like Maya Angelou's "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, are classics you've probably heard of, but may not have picked up yet. Others, like Reni Eddo-Lodge's "Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Race," are newer hits.

Keep Reading... Show less

What's Coming To And Leaving Netflix In June For Your Summer Viewing Pleasure

Just in time for another your summer binge-watch list.

Paramount Pictures

The first of the month is now here, which means we will be losing some of our Netflix favorites but gaining some new ones.

Here is a list of TV shows and movies we will be losing and gaining on Netflix during June.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

I Was At The Atlanta George Floyd Protests, Here's What It Was Like Before The Violence Started

What started out as a peaceful protest quickly resulted in destruction, with mixed opinions leading narratives on both sides.

When I heard about the protests happening in my city in honor of George Floyd, a black man who was brutally and fatally detained by police in broad daylight, I was conflicted about the best way for me to support a cause that I was passionate about. The senseless killings of people of color in America had been weighing on me, and I was eager for a way to help, to do my part. I wanted to be out on the ground with my community, having our voices heard. However, there was the issue of the coronavirus, a very real and troublesome threat that is still controlling our daily lives.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

If You Can Eat Crap And Stay Thin You Aren't Healthy, You're Lucky

A high metabolism isn't a get-out-of-jail-free card!

Photo by Tarutoa on Unsplash

Everyone has that one friend — the one who eats to their heart's content but never gains an ounce. Meanwhile, you feel like you gain five pounds just stealing a glance at a hamburger! My childhood best friend was like that, much to my chagrin. Anyone who hadn't witnessed her eat might be tempted to say that she was thin because of her diet, but she would sometimes eat a bag of Sour Patch Kids as a "meal." One time, I watched in awe as she chowed down on a "salad" made up of one part romaine lettuce, two parts shredded cheddar cheese, and two parts French dressing — it was nothing more than a red lake of dressing with bits of green and orange debris floating in it. Clearly our definitions of "salad" were quite different, as were our perceptions of a balanced meal.

Keep Reading... Show less

I Started Dating A Guy Before Quarantine, But Now We Rarely Speak Unless I Double-Text

"He's really nice and cute and I like being around him when we see each other, but he's awful at communication."

Each week Swoonie B will give her advice on anonymous topics submitted by readers. Want to Ask Swoonie B something related to dating and relationships? Fill out this form here — it's anonymous.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments