For those of you with anxiety, maybe you will find comfort in this, and for those of you who don’t, maybe you will find some understanding and clarity on the matter.
I’d like to start by sharing a little of my story. I was diagnosed with anxiety at a very young age, 14 to be exact. Entering the world of high school was tough for me. Actually, all of high school was tough for me. Along with trying to maintain good grades, I participated in multiple clubs and extracurricular activities. This included two sports both competitively and for my high school team. I even tried juggling a part time job. My to-do lists seemed never ending and sleep at night became difficult for me to find. I felt like I was either going 100 miles per hour, or sometimes I would feel so defeated by the amount of unnecessary pressure I put on myself. I would end up giving up all together and fall into a depression for weeks at a time.
When college came around I was slapped in the face by the reality that college is harder than high school. Keeping a job became more important because things are more expensive when you are no longer living under your parent’s roof. Classes became more difficult and my homework load had tripled. The stress of deciding what I wanted to do with my life was constantly weighing me down. I remember being told by a professor I needed to delete all high school activities from my resume because now I am an adult, and adults don’t put high school activities on their resume. I panicked when I looked down at my computer screen and saw that my resume was nearly blank. And me, an adult? Add that to the list of things I need to worry about. I can’t be an adult, I'm not ready for that. After that, I signed up for multiple clubs and committees on top of the sorority I had already joined. I began to fill my schedule with more things than one person could possibly fit into a day. My anxiety seemed to be taking over my entire life. Every second of every day, it was there.
If you have anxiety you can probably relate to the constant worry. You worry and overthink anything and everything, even the things you can't control. I'm sure you can also relate to the physical heaviness on your chest when you’re having a panic attack. Lets not forget about how irritating it is to be told to “calm down” or “let it go” as if it is that simple.
Over the years I have learned different ways to tackle my anxiety head on. Little things go a long way such as taking my medicine consistently, waking up earlier so I don’t feel rushed in the morning, going to bed earlier so I am well rested, finishing one thing before I started another, I even started practicing yoga. I have tried anything and everything to reduce my anxiety and I have found that nothing rids me of this demon completely.
For a long time I thought I could heal myself. I thought if I tried hard enough I could conquer the big scary monster that was inside my head. I have learned that this is impossible. My anxiety is a part of me, a part of me that will never just disappear forever, but that doesn’t mean I have to let it define me. I am the one in control of my happiness, I am the one who wakes up in the morning and decides if I am going to have a good day or not, not my anxiety. The moment you stop trying to "fix" or cure yourself and you decide to start working on accepting yourself, your life will change forever.
Please know that I am not sitting here writing this article to claim I have it all figured out because believe me, I don’t. With my good days come the bad. With my strong days come the weak. I am simply writing this article to share my experience living with this disorder and to let you know that you are not alone.
"You have enough, you do enough, you ARE enough."
