I started taking medication for high anxiety when I was in the fifth grade. That may seem a little too young, but I acted so differently than other kids my age. I was constantly stressed, and stress isn't even a word ten-year-olds should ever have to use.
Thunderstorms were my worst trigger of panic attacks. The mention of impending high winds and heavy rain would make my heart race and my body shake uncontrollably. The only thing that calmed me down was soaking in a tub of warm water and, often, I would still end up getting sick. Something had to change.
After I began taking my medication, I was a different person. The chemicals in my brain become balanced, and I could be a normal kid again. I could miss a couple of questions on a test or get called out by a teacher for doing something silly and not give it a second thought.
Still, medication doesn't take away the problems of the world, and my anxiety is still something I battle with each day. Just the other night, my stomach was in knots and I had trouble sleeping simply because I thought I might have said something that could have hurt someone's feelings. When I start thinking about graduating in May and where I will attend graduate school, my jaw clenches and my shoulders tense.
Having high anxiety not only causes problems for me in general and as a college student; it also impacts my life as a follower of Christ.
As a Christian, I am called to share the Gospel with the people I encounter both in words and actions, and this calling often leads to anxious thoughts: "What if they get mad at me? What if they reject me? What if they see my imperfections and call me out on my sin? What if they ask a question I can't answer?"
The first time I worked an event as a member of the leadership team at my campus ministry, I was filled with anxiety. I walked up to two girls I didn't know, panicked, simply handed them our information cards, and walked away as quickly as I could. But over the years, God has taught me this: My anxiety is not an excuse; it is part of my testimony.
As I have continued meeting people on campus and sharing the love of Christ, I have found that my anxiety evaporates. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
These verses present a promise. God will provide you with peace to guard your heart and mind. He's done it for me countless times. I have even been able to walk the streets of a foreign country and share the story of Jesus with complete strangers, and it is all thanks to my Heavenly Father.
For those of you who struggle or knows someone who struggles with anxiety, there are going to be bad days. But here's the good news: God is greater than those days. He is greater than the storms that rage outside our windows and the stressful situations that are out of our control. He is in control, and He loves you.
So, don't let the way you're feeling control you. Don't let it be an excuse for hiding from the world or new experiences.
Give it to God. Let Him give you peace. Let Him work through you. And then tell people about it and give Him the credit. Because He is such a good Father.
