I have probably been called every word for muscular there is. I've been called brolic, buff, diesel, stocky, ahck, ahcky, cut, toned, "argh" + awkward flexing, and most recently "shifty". It is safe to say that everyone who knows me knows that I love to lift. I mean my username is marvaLIFT on my Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. During an open mic, on the last day of first year orientation at my school, I performed a stand up comedy routine about life as a body builder. Along with my posts about having just left the gym or how successful of a chest routine I had that day my passion for lifting is impossible to miss.

I'll get to why I lift later, but what's really peculiar is that when people ask me how long I've been lifting, my answer varies. I have always been physically active, but in my yearly years basketball and football were my preferred and enjoyed modes of exercise. It wasn't until the January of 7th grade that I started exercising in a way not related to sports.

This shift was the first of many in my exercise habits and the one I cite most often when asked how long I've been working out. I still played schoolyard football, but in addition to that I spent many of hours sliding back and forth on the Total Gyms bench and pulley system. It belonged to my step dad, but seeing as he barely ever used it he gave it to me. A couple of years later he even let me keep it when him and my mom separated. I was only 12 when I started using it, but my step dad encouraged me to use it so I could "bulk up" and eventually convinced me to use creatine.

As a middle schooler who stood at about 5"4 and 92 lbs bulking up sounded like a really good option for building confidence and maybe not having to use my sarcastic wit against the peers who perceived me as a "psychological bully" instead of the bullied using the only means of defense I was given. But I, only after a couple of uses, stopped using creatine because from reading the label I saw it wasn't even close to being age appropriate and it made me think I could not work out if I hadn't taken it, even though I could not actually discern its effects.

Even without the creatine, it didn't take long for me to start putting on a noticeable amount of muscle considering how skinny of a frame I had to begin with. Pretty soon I was getting compliments about how big my biceps were and admired for how many pull-ups and push-ups I could complete during gym. At the end of 7th grade going into 8th I got a girlfriend. I felt good.

However, with the difficulty of the Total Gym being proportional to my still meager size and my creativity for creating new exercises lacking, I quickly plateaued and became bored with my workouts that no longer seemed to be helping me put on weight. Frustration set in and I found myself skipping more and more workouts.

Fortunately for me, my dad just bought a new Iron Gym and offered to give me his old one. It was basically a pull-up bar, despite it being advertised as more. To do push-ups or sit-ups with it just felt awkward. But it was with this bar that I found my love for exercising the muscles on my back, mainly my lats. I started doing about 120 pull-ups (3 sets for the 3 different grips and 40-45 each grip) almost every night on the doorway of our laundry room, away from the rest of my family. No one told me about keeping a balanced body so my back, shoulders, and biceps grew out of proportion to the rest of my muscles, but I wouldn't notice until years later.

If you couldn't tell this was the second shift in the mode of exercise I utilized to stay in shape. It being purely calisthenics, its hard for me to justify including it in my lifting timeline, but it also isn't a gap in my exercise history. It wasn't a particularly long period however, only lasting a few months before I again got bored. I don't know what I expected doing the same thing almost every night.

At this point I still did not want to go back to using the Total Gym because now I could only remember how easy the workouts are compared to how difficult setting it up is. It just didn't seem worth it. Instead I stuck with pure calisthenics and started doing push-up variations, core exercises, and squat and lunge variations. I can say this phase lasted about a month, because I got to the point where I was doing more than 100 push-ups in each set and I knew I was only increasing my endurance and not size.

I just entered high school and I think around that time my step dad noticed that I was running out of ideas of how to work out and finally offered me his weights. He owned a loadable long barbell, and two short dumbbells, along with about 70 lbs of weight. I do not know how this sufficed for this man who stood at 6 ft and over 200 lbs, but it was perfect for me since I was about 120 lbs at this point. He and my mom even bought me a bench for Christmas that year.

This greatly expanded what I was capable of doing in my workouts, but it was almost too late, because the only muscle groups that were really benefiting from the small amount of weight the plates could provide were my arms and chest. But I used them for years and even now take them with me on campus. To be honest, I did try to go back and use my Total Gym after a couple of years of using these weights, but I think the years had taken their tole because after a couple of uses one of the wheels under the bench and turned this machine into future scrap metal. We gave it to a mover because he said he might be able to fix and use it himself.

I used this loss of equipment as the primary reason when convincing my mom to let me sign up for a gym. I was 17 and was just about to start my senior year of high school when I signed up for Kinetic Sports Club. At $90 a month I tried to tell my mom that it was too expensive and that I could find another gym. But she believed that he gave us less attention because he thought we couldn't afford it and therefore wanted to show that she in fact could pay.

This gym rivals Equinox in luxury and had more equipment than I knew what to do with. I still remembered the personal trainer they paired me with for my complimentary session. His name is Cedric and he was the only Black personal trainer and also the biggest. He didn't put me through anything worse than what I've put myself through int he gym, but what he told me about code switching, how it relates to his chameleon tattoo, and his once estranged relationship with his dad hit deep for me and at different times made me reconsider my relationship with my dad.

I went about 5 times a week for the first month and my mom swore I was addicted already. I think I was. I am used to struggling so when I go to the gym I put myself through hell. But once senior year of high school went in to full swing I found myself going to the gym less and less because the earliest bus that went there int he morning did not leave as early as I would have liked to be able to make it to school at a good time. So by January I had basically stopped going, Partially because I was embarrassed that we were a couple of months behind in payment and I felt like I was taking advantage of both them and my mom. They even messaged me on Facebook a couple of months later about payment and I felt like I could never go back there.

Both the Iron Gym, and weights became parts of my routine after I stopped going to the gym. I recognized what they could offer and just tried to make the most of it.

It wasn't until my gap year after senior year that I would go back to the gym. With a $9.25/hr job at Bed, Bath, and Beyond and no interest in asking my parents for money I looked for the most affordable gym out there: Planet Fitness. For just $20 a month I could work out in a gym with no bench press, squat rack, leg press, or barbells to deadlift with. I was only slightly aware of its shortcomings which was good because I wouldn't have paid to go anywhere better.

But once I got my job as a hospitality clerk at a law firm making about $17/hr the first thing I did was sign up for a passport membership at New York sports Club. This membership allowed me to work out in any of the 50 New York Sports Club locations in the city. I think I hit about 12 of them just to compare the different facilities (the one on W 96th street has a ridiculous amount of stairs and I do not recommend it for leg day).

I consider this my golden age of lifting because besides work it was all I did, in addition to reading about lifting. I got so into it that I even paid to take a personal trainer self study course and got my certification through the American Council on Exercise after a couple of months. My entire diet consisted of brown rice, chicken breast, broccoli, green beans, bell peppers, avocados, sweet potatoes, cliff bars, oatmeal, eggs, pumpkin seeds, green tea and black coffee. I even bought a scale that told me more than just my weight. And in May and June of 2015 I was 145 lbs, 12% body fat, and 50% muscle mass.

I maintained this since starting college give or take 5 lbs, but I have almost no consistency. But that is OKAY. Because I work out for me and no one else. While working out I have been sick, felt light headed, had nose bleeds, endured my asthma during cardio, almost threw up, and popped the same blood vessel in my left hand 4 times from deadlifting. I put myself through absolute hell in the gym because after I do that and survive no amount of discomfort in the day to day can shake me. I feel powerful when I deadlift 365 lbs which is over 200 lbs heavier than myself.

Yes, missing the gym bothers me and makes me feel like I don't deserve the gains I have, but I know its always going to be there for me. I'm not consistent, but the gym is and I know I can always go back to it after I take a couple days or even weeks away from it. The gym is there when I need it. During spring semester I had hardly gone to the gym, but after I broke up with my girlfriend I went to the gym 6 times a week for 8 weeks straight. Recently I've questioned if I will actually work out for the rest of my life. I put this question to rest by reminding myself that the gym to me is therapy when I need it, but more often the place I go to when I want to remind myself that life can't move me like I move this weight.