Dear Ladies,

Let's all stop hating on each other!

In general women have quite the reputation for being um “cough, cough” crazy. And despite popular belief, it’s not just men who are saying this, it’s women as well. We are notorious for bashing and backstabbing other women. But why? What’s the purpose of it, do you really feel that threatened, is it to try and get a boost of self-esteem? Today I wanted to write about mean girls and attempt to answer and put a stop to all the abuse and shaming.

Let’s start with a personal experience of mine, When I was in middle school I had a difficult time putting on weight, I never had an appetite, and ate like a bird. Normally we would see this as a blessing, many curvy girls who have been bashed for their bodies probably wouldn’t believe that I was tormented pretty much all throughout middle school, but I was. I was called “bag of bones” and “flat-chested” or “anorexic,” the whole nine yards. But my question is why? Back then it didn’t even cross my mind that there was a possibility that they could have been jealous or insecure, I actually believed them.

This rolled over into high school and even a little bit into my college years and was an extremely difficult time for me. The truth is, this type of ridicule is horrible, immature, and can have damaging effects on anyone. The reason behind the bullying, in all honesty, was probably due to jealousy or just straight up insecurity. Girls can often view each other as competition and will fight to the death to eliminate that threat. Even if it means hurting, backstabbing, and spreading rumors, sometimes we as girls take unnecessary and irrational measures for trivial issues. When we do this not only are we hurting others, but we are also hurting ourselves and our reputation as women. I understand jealousy, it is natural, but instead of bringing the person we are jealous of down, we should focus on raising ourselves up instead!

We talk so much about body shaming, but the truth of the matter is curvy and thick girls are not the only victims. The skinny girls receive the same amount of hate and body shaming as the curvy girls do. The point here is body shaming, whether the victim is skinny or curvy is wrong, and body shaming a curvy girl is just as detrimental to one’s self-esteem as body shaming a skinny girl.

Up next let's talk about the backstabbing. Girls do this, and they do it a lot. I honestly don’t understand, being passive aggressive is much more detrimental to one’s self-esteem and the relationship as a whole. Why shove the issue under the rug or go behind their back and try to hurt them. You always hear stories of girls taking others girls men or purposely sabotaging a relationship to get revenge, or just to say they did it. I don’t like this, we should be upfront when we have a problem with someone or issues in our friendships arise we should address the problem instead of being sneaky or deceiving.

The last issue I want to address is jealousy and shaming. Picture this, you’re out at the bars with all of your closest girl friends, having a great time and enjoying each other's company. All of a sudden this strikingly beautiful girl walks in, and that boy you like, along with everyone else stares at her as she makes a grand entrance. She looks amazing from head to toe, everything is on point, her hair, makeup, and even her outfit. But instead of encouraging her, let’s say one of you decides to bash her instead. Saying things like, “she’s fake, she wears too much makeup and probably looks like a troll without it, or I heard she’s a bitch.”

Although hypothetical, I have heard these things said by women around me. This is why I am so flattered when a woman compliments me. I know when a woman goes out of her way to throw me a compliment, 95 times out of 100 she is being sincere. Why? because women rarely compliment other women, they do this out of insecurity, feeling threatened, or pure jealousy. If she looks good, we should applaud her and not isolate her or make snarky remarks. These remarks get us nowhere. If we do this the only thing we accomplishing is damaging yet another female’s self-esteem. I think women are too insecure to begin with, and I think we all need to stand up and make a change in how women perceive themselves. Learn to love yourself, and help others learn to do the same!