Give Yourself Time To Grieve

Give Yourself Time To Grieve

There is life after death.

Losing someone is extremely difficult. There is no guide on how to overcome grief. If there was life after death, it would be a lot easier. However, it is not that easy. There is not a nice package to stuff all your emotions in. In all reality, you must let them outside of that box and allow grief to take it place.

It is said there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, what if, depression and acceptance. They are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. Just keep in mind everyone grieves differently, but it helps to know you are not the only one experimenting these feelings.

Denial is the first stage of grief. This maybe that stage where you are trying to be strong for your family or other loved ones. You almost seem numb to the pain you are feeling. Everything around you seems to be a daze. It is a mixture of shock and denial. As crazy as it sounds there is a little grace in denial. It helps you cope from the beginning. As an individual, who has loss someone close, I remember telling myself my sister was gone somewhere, but of course not that type of gone during this stage.

Once the numbness fades a sense of anger begins to take over. I experienced all types of anger. I was angry at God for taking my sister. I wanted him to heal her on Earth. I was angry with the doctors for not saving her. I was angry at my friends that did not show during the time, I needed them the most. My heart became angry. However, I believe that is okay. I believe it is necessary to express those emotions of anger. Do not feel guilty for this. We are human and it is part of this process.

During the "what if" stage you may blame yourself. We just want life the way it was before. We begin to question everything: What if we would have seen the signs of suicide? What if we had the tumor sooner? What if we hadn't had that surgery? What if they took swimming lessons/ What if I told them they could not go out that night? What if we had gone to church more? The list is endless. There is nothing you could have done differently, no matter what could of happened. Unfortunately, no matter how much our heart denies it, it was their time to go.

After evaluating everything that has happened you may begin to feel empty. You have no hope or desire to do anything. You would rather withdrawal from life and grieve. As someone who has faced and overcame depression, I know the negative stigma associated with being depressed. However, it is important that we face depression. It is natural to face this when losing a loved one. I do ask if you are experiencing any thoughts of hurting yourself in any way please contact your doctor or The National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

The final stage is acceptance. However, this does not mean everything is alright and you have moved on. Honestly you may never feel "alright" again. There is a whole that will forever remain in your heart. This stage is accepting the reality that you will face life without your loved one physically being there with you. This is becoming the new permanent reality. You have to try and live in this new world. This does not mean you will not have bad days. It has been almost three years and I still have bad days. However, it means you will also have good days. That is OK. Do not feel guilty for that either. I can assure you, your loved one would want you to rejoice in life.

"We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time."

Cover Image Credit: Crosswalk

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30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Because "pretty" is so overrated.

Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

26. Observant

I want to take all of life in.

27. Peart

I want to be honestly in good spirits at all times.

28. Romantic

Sure, I want to be a little old school in this sense.

29. Elysian

I want to give you the same feeling that you get in paradise.

30. Curious

And I never want to stop searching for answers.
Cover Image Credit: Favim

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My Love-Hate Relationship with Starbucks

This is my oh so wonderful experience at Starbucks during the week of midterms.


When I usually go to Starbucks, I typically get the same type of drinks: carmel macchiato, chai tea latte, chestnut praline chai tea latte (which sadly is only a holiday drink), or a shaken black tea lemonade with light ice. However, sometimes a person just gets bored drinking the same three drinks over and over, so I thought, "Hey! lets get out of our comfort zone here pal and try something new." So I did I walked my tired stressed out self to Starbucks 10 minutes before my next class and ordered a tall cinnamon shortbread latte, I mean the description and other peoples comments about it made it sound super good.

As I was waiting for my drink I noticed that one of the baristas was having some issues with some type of syrup, but I thought that they would refill it and then add what they need, and that one probably wasn't even mine. When they did that, I saw them get a new jug of syrup and I went back onto my phone and to try and plan how I was going to get through this midterms week.

Quick info about midterms: everyone is dead, and everyone is stressed. Us college students literally live off of caffeine during midterms week. If you're lucky like me you are at school from 8 a.m. until 6 p.m., so the caffeine is really needed.

Now soon after I saw the new jug come, my name was called. I grabbed my drink and walked like the walking zombie I was to my next class. I went in for my first drink I was so excited to have this sweet taste of vanilla, cinnamon and coffee...but what I got was the opposite. It literally tasted like a very burnt somewhat coffee and cinnamon edible without the marijuana affects, or for the non-edible people, a very bad tasting cookie that was missing all the sugar. I was not a happy camper one bit, but I was going to drink it anyway because I payed $4 for this coffee. I struggled drinking this during my writing class because it tasted terrible, but then out of no where I got this hit of sweet — I was drinking the sweet vanilla and the sweet cinnamon part of my drink minus the majority of the coffee since I was 3/4 done with the drink. I was seriously crying on the inside because I didn't get to enjoy this drink the way I needed.

Then the realization hit me: 1. They probably didn't add in the missing parts of the syrup once it got refilled since they suddenly got busy. 2. They did not stir that drink one bit because all the syrup was literally at the bottom of the cup. If they did these, then the problem wouldn't have happened.

This is not the first time this has happened to me having all the syrup at the bottom of the cup at a Starbucks. Its not like I am able to swish it around myself because it is full to the top and I don't want hot coffee poured or splashed on my hand. Also, most people are on-the-go while they are drinking their coffee or doing other things. I have only had this issue at Starbucks and never at any other place have I had this issue like Anthem Coffee.

So can Starbucks just agree to always mix their drinks? So that the zombie college kids during midterms have good coffee to keep them alive?

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