Give Yourself Time To Grieve

Give Yourself Time To Grieve

There is life after death.

Losing someone is extremely difficult. There is no guide on how to overcome grief. If there was life after death, it would be a lot easier. However, it is not that easy. There is not a nice package to stuff all your emotions in. In all reality, you must let them outside of that box and allow grief to take it place.

It is said there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, what if, depression and acceptance. They are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. Just keep in mind everyone grieves differently, but it helps to know you are not the only one experimenting these feelings.

Denial is the first stage of grief. This maybe that stage where you are trying to be strong for your family or other loved ones. You almost seem numb to the pain you are feeling. Everything around you seems to be a daze. It is a mixture of shock and denial. As crazy as it sounds there is a little grace in denial. It helps you cope from the beginning. As an individual, who has loss someone close, I remember telling myself my sister was gone somewhere, but of course not that type of gone during this stage.

Once the numbness fades a sense of anger begins to take over. I experienced all types of anger. I was angry at God for taking my sister. I wanted him to heal her on Earth. I was angry with the doctors for not saving her. I was angry at my friends that did not show during the time, I needed them the most. My heart became angry. However, I believe that is okay. I believe it is necessary to express those emotions of anger. Do not feel guilty for this. We are human and it is part of this process.

During the "what if" stage you may blame yourself. We just want life the way it was before. We begin to question everything: What if we would have seen the signs of suicide? What if we had the tumor sooner? What if we hadn't had that surgery? What if they took swimming lessons/ What if I told them they could not go out that night? What if we had gone to church more? The list is endless. There is nothing you could have done differently, no matter what could of happened. Unfortunately, no matter how much our heart denies it, it was their time to go.

After evaluating everything that has happened you may begin to feel empty. You have no hope or desire to do anything. You would rather withdrawal from life and grieve. As someone who has faced and overcame depression, I know the negative stigma associated with being depressed. However, it is important that we face depression. It is natural to face this when losing a loved one. I do ask if you are experiencing any thoughts of hurting yourself in any way please contact your doctor or The National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

The final stage is acceptance. However, this does not mean everything is alright and you have moved on. Honestly you may never feel "alright" again. There is a whole that will forever remain in your heart. This stage is accepting the reality that you will face life without your loved one physically being there with you. This is becoming the new permanent reality. You have to try and live in this new world. This does not mean you will not have bad days. It has been almost three years and I still have bad days. However, it means you will also have good days. That is OK. Do not feel guilty for that either. I can assure you, your loved one would want you to rejoice in life.

"We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time."

Cover Image Credit: Crosswalk

Popular Right Now

8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.

Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.

7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Starting T Didn't Go The Way I Planned And I'm So Thankful For That

Nothing ever goes as it should, so why should this?


On April 4, 2019, I officially started the medical part of my transition. I say the medical part of my transition because my transition started long before that day, this was just the medical aspect of things. The day before was my 20th birthday and my mom came to town to surprise me. A few months ago she told me that she had scheduled an appointment with my endocrinologist for June 4, 2019, so that I could talk to them about starting T. Over dinner that night my mom told me that part of my birthday present was that she lied about my appointment, it was actually April 4th and not June 4th.

After I got over the initial shock, tears of joy and excitement, my mom and I had a long serious talk about things to make sure that I was ready to go through with things. The time I had to prepare had been cut down from two months to less than 24 hours. At first, I was panicking because I like to prepare for things but this is something that I have wanted for a long time.

When I went to the doctor's office the next day I was ready, I felt calm and prepared. I knew that my life was about to change in a way that I desperately needed and wanted it to. Even though I was ready for this moment I was still super fucking nervous, I left my letters (the letters a therapist has to write for you in order to start your transition) at home so my mom had to run home and get them while I was filling out my paperwork.

After talking with my doctor and her giving me the okay to start, I found out that it would probably be another two weeks before I actually started T because of the insurance company handles the prescriptions. But the way things were working, I got home, my mom left, and fifteen minutes later I got a text saying my prescription was ready for pickup. Again, my time to prepare went from two weeks to instantly.

When I got picked up the prescription and went to the doctor's office to learn how to do my shots I knew everything was right. This whole process wasn't supposed to start until two months from now, and then when it started I was supposed to have two weeks to prepare because of the insurance company. But, it all started instantly and I'm SO thankful for that. If this process hadn't gone the way it did then I wouldn't have a really cool story to tell, I wouldn't have started T the day after my 20th birthday, and I wouldn't be able to tell the world that my mom really does go above and beyond for me. This wouldn't have been possible without her, she really went above and beyond for this one.

Thank you momma, I love you so much. TGFE.

Related Content

Facebook Comments