Every since I was little, I have dealt with some sort of anxiety. For example, when I was younger I had separation anxiety from my parents. Throughout the years, anxiety has evolved inside of me, to a much greater extent. I now suffer from what's known as generalized anxiety. I feel funny using the word 'suffer' because it's not a death defying disease. However, suffering is the appropriate term in some circumstances. I would consider it suffering when you receive the feeling inside of you that you are drowning, like everything in the world is crashing down all at once. Yet you can't pinpoint the exact reason as to why you are feeling this way. I would also consider it suffering when you have words and emotions built up inside of you, busting at the seams to come out but you can't find the words to correlate with them.
On the other hand, I would also consider anxiety as a different way of life. It's really no different than someone who enjoys sports rather than music, or an extrovert versus an introvert. It's all about the way that your brain functions. So for people who enjoy sports, that's the majority of their thought process. Whereas, people who live with anxiety's thought process involves overthinking everything, focusing on the negative in every situation instead of the good, and also feeling that everyone in the world is around to do them wrong. Now trust me, as much as I wish I could turn a switch in my brain off to bring these thoughts to a halt, that is nearly impossible.
These thoughts and insecurities have kept me up until the darkest hours of the night questioning everything happening in my life. Wondering why I can't just relax and go to sleep. Notice, however, I did say that it was nearly impossible. I've practiced "drills" of how to handle certain thoughts, and things to do if a situation like that ever occurs. I have conditioned my brain to think a positive thought the second that a negative one enters my mind.
On the downside of the conditioning practice I have, if someone says something that sets off a trigger, I can't help what happens next. I can't control having an anxiety attack or just starting to cry. All I can do is let the unconscious thought pass through my mind with time. I can't tell you what's wrong because even I don't know the answer. I don't know why I am the way that I am, but I've learned to love it. Living with anxiety is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but the more problems I have, the more practice I get on how to handle it. Every day gets better as people with anxiety learn to cope with it.
So for the people with anxiety, you're not alone.
And for the people who know of someone living with anxiety just remember, its not an illness or a disease, it's a way of life, it's their way of life.
