Plunging a needle into my leg will never be pleasant. Having my mother fretting over my health will never be calming. And knowing that I'll have this disease the rest of my life will never be comforting. But I don't imagine my future to work around my health, I'm making my health work around my future and my life.
I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease about eight months ago, but was told it had been forming for a while. It's an autoimmune disorder where my body "flips a switch" and attacks my digestive system as if it were a foreign invader. The medicine (the painful injections mentioned earlier) I am on is designed to suppress my immune system, making me more susceptible to other diseases. This combined with my anemia (making my red blood cells too low to carry oxygen properly through my body) can be draining. There are days where I let the exhaustion and frustration of the disease get to me. Those are wasted days. And in this short life that we live, we can't afford to have wasted days.
When I was diagnosed, I naturally researched everything I could -- from medical journals to Crohn's memes. So many were about not only the pain, but about the complete lack of desire to DO anything. This scared the crap out of me (I'm so sorry, I really couldn't resist the pun). I have a very full, adventurous Bucket List and love trying new things, meeting new people, discovering new places. I was so depressed, anticipating what my life was about to become. How many things was I going to have to leave at the feet of this new monster?
The answer: none. I have not given up my lifestyle. And I don't ever plan to. Like I said, there are times where I wish for nothing more than to not have to deal with this unexpected disease. But I get over it. Because if I didn't, if I dwelled on my misfortunes rather than my blessings, I would be living a pretty sad life. I'm pretty sure Carpe Diem means Seize the Day, not Leave the Day. I've never been satisfied with "enough." I want the best, I need the best. So why not make this the best life, regardless of any health conditions?
But this isn't only about me. It's for everyone with Crohn's, or Colitis, or Celiac Disease, or diabetes -- everyone with a life-long, life-altering disease/disorder. We were not put on this Earth to be victims of our own bodies. We are meant to go out with friends, drink coffee, dance to music that's too loud, and explore every possibility for happiness. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself to buck up and tell your own body to chill out. I know that there are hard days, believe me, I KNOW. But don't let those hard days become a hard life. I'm not letting my disease be in control of my adventures or my happiness. That's MY job.
