Life Is Unfair- And That's Okay

Life Is Unfair- And That's Okay

I realized that unfairness is okay by accepting my trials.
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All my 18 years of wisdom and thorough experience has led me to believe this: life is like super hard.

This first hit me when I got my period at 11 years old. I didn’t really get it. Before I received the infamous curse of womanhood I thought my period would make me feel feminine and womanly and proud. The rude awakening that I actually had to still participate in normal day-to-day activities while menstruating really hurt my feelings. I think I expected some kind of ceremonious time where I would be able to lay in my bed and watch movies while someone placed a straw into my frowning mouth, letting me sip Dr. Pepper and eat an entire bag of Hershey’s kisses in peace. I still had to go to church the day when I discovered my ‘present’, and that was also the day that I was informed that women were the ONLY sex that were put through this monthly torture. I spent the day glaring at my male peers (but only in my head of course, I was still expected to smile and wave as my gut WAS LITERALLY EXPLODING INTO A FIREY INFERNO OF ANGUISH). My period was a slap in the face. A knife to my ovaries. A lesson in how the world works. The unfairness of humanity and existence.


At 11, I was forced to come to the conclusion (with the help of “The Body Book for Girls”) that life was really hard. That made me so angry! I insisted that everything in life be equal; my blood boiled when something was unfair. I wanted my life to be exactly as I believed it should be. I was like that for a while, until recently, when I was eventually able to accept that life wasn't fair.

When my senior year was pretty crap because of my recently diagnosed illnesses, I was angry for a long time-angry at my body for not working like everyone else's and angry at the world for not going through what I was going through. I remember the moment that it kind of dawned on me that bad things happen sometimes, and it's okay. It was a weird 'one-with-the-world' kind of experience that just made me feel some type of peace about my situation.

So, my all knowing 18 year old self decided some things that I believe about life.

I believe that life is hard. I believe that things happen for a reason, and that reason might be because life is hard. I believe that horrible things happen to people who don’t deserve horrible things. I believe that trials are supposed to happen to everyone. I believe that those trails may not be equally as hard for everyone.

Unfortunately, sometimes life is really hard for some people all the time. Some people’s lives are way harder than others. Although it is not super helpful to compare your problems to others, it did help me to realize that I didn’t have it that bad.


Something that really helped me accept my trials was remembering that God was on my side. I know that my Heavenly Father will NEVER leave me.

Like, ever.

Even though my periods still suck.

Cover Image Credit: Ravinder kolukunde

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Yes, I Had A Stroke And I'm Only 20

Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
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Recently, I read an article on Cosmo that was written by a woman that had a stroke at the ripe old age of 23. For those of you who don't know, that really doesn't happen. Young people don't have strokes. Some do, but it's so incredibly uncommon that it rarely crosses most people's minds. Her piece was really moving, and I related a lot -- because I had a stroke at 20.

It started as a simple headache. I didn't think much of it because I get headaches pretty often. At the time, I worked for my parents, and I texted my mom to tell her that I'd be late to work because of the pain. I had never experienced a headache like that, but I figured it still wasn't something to worry about. I went about my normal routine, and it steadily got worse. It got to the point that I literally threw up from the pain. My mom told me to take some Tylenol, but I couldn't get to our kitchen. I figured that since I was already in the bathroom, I would just take a shower and hope that the hot steam would relax my muscles, and get rid of my headache. So I turned the water on in the shower, and I waited for it to get hot.

At this point, I was sweating. I've never been that warm in my life. My head was still killing me. I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, trying to at least cope with the pain. Finally, I decided that I needed to go to the hospital. I picked up my phone to call 911, but I couldn't see the screen. I couldn't read anything. I laid down on the floor and tried to swipe from the lock screen to the emergency call screen, but I couldn't even manage that. My fine motor skills were completely gone. My fingers wouldn't cooperate, even though I knew what buttons needed to be pressed. Instead of swiping to the emergency call screen, I threw my phone across the room. "Okay," I thought, "Large muscle groups are working. Small ones are not".

I tried getting up. That also wasn't happening. I was so unstable that I couldn't stay standing. I tried turning off the running water of the shower, but couldn't move the faucet. Eventually, I gave up on trying to move anywhere. "At what point do I just give up and lie on the floor until someone finds me?" That was the point. I ended up lying on the floor for two hours until my dad came home and found me.

During that two hours, I couldn't hear. My ears were roaring, not even ringing. I tried to yell, but I couldn't form a sentence. I was simply stuck, and couldn't do anything about it. I still had no idea what was going on.

When the ambulance finally got there, they put me on a stretcher and loaded me into the back. "Are you afraid of needles or anything?" asked one EMT. "Terrified," I responded, and she started an IV without hesitation. To this day, I don't know if that word actually came out of my mouth, but I'm so glad she started the IV. She started pumping pain medicine, but it didn't seem to be doing anything.

We got to the hospital, and the doctors there were going to treat me for a migraine and send me on my merry way. This was obviously not a migraine. When I could finally speak again, they kept asking if I was prone to migraines. "I've never had a migraine in my whole life," I would say. "Do you do any drugs?" they would ask. "No," I repeated over and over. At this point, I was fading in and out of consciousness, probably from the pain or the pain medicine.

At one point, I heard the doctors say that they couldn't handle whatever was wrong with me at our local hospital and that I would need to be flown somewhere. They decided on University of Maryland in Baltimore. My parents asked if I wanted them to wait with me or start driving, so I had them leave.

The helicopter arrived soon after, and I was loaded into it. 45 minutes later, I was in Baltimore. That was the last thing I remember. The next thing I remember was being in the hospital two weeks later. I had a drain in my head, a central port, and an IV. I honestly didn't know what had happened to me.

As it turns out, I was born with a blood vessel malformation called an AVM. Blood vessels and arteries are supposed to pass blood to one another smoothly, and mine simply weren't. I basically had a knot of blood vessels in my brain that had swelled and almost burst. There was fluid in my brain that wouldn't drain, which was why my head still hurt so bad. The doctors couldn't see through the blood and fluid to operate, so they were simply monitoring me at that point.

When they could finally see, they went in to embolize my aneurysm and try to kill the AVM. After a successful procedure, my headache was finally starting to subside. It had gone from a 10 on the pain scale (which I don't remember), to a 6 (which was when I had started to be conscious), and then down to a 2.

I went to rehab after I was discharged from the hospital, I went to rehab. There, I learned simple things like how to walk and balance, and we tested my fine motor skills to make sure that I could still play the flute. Rehab was both physically and emotionally difficult. I was constantly exhausted.

I still have a few lingering issues from the whole ordeal. I have a tremor in one hand, and I'm mostly deaf in one ear. I still get headaches sometimes, but that's just my brain getting used to regular blood flow. I sleep a lot and slur my words as I get tired. While I still have a few deficits, I'm lucky to even be alive.

Cover Image Credit: Neve McClymont

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In The Cross Roads

SEC Football is back!! Cheering for one certain team may not be as easy as it seems to some. I know I am not the only college student stuck in the cross roads!

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If you grew up anywhere in the Bible belt, you know College Football is held on a pedestal. Being affiliated with a certain team can tell you a lot about a person. Whether it be cheering for the number 16 team, or the number one team, these fans would do almost anything to preserve the reputation of their beloved team. Life can get a little strained when you have to choose between two very respected programs.

I will explain:

Growing up in Tuscaloosa, Alabama is almost a privilege. I did not know how much effect the University of Alabama had on the country until recently. The University does not only have a massive amount of alumni within the state, but around the world as well. When I tell someone I'm from T-Town, the first question I usually am asked is if I'm an Alabama football fan.

And the answer is YES.

From my experience, there is a very small population of the crazy people to cheer for another team that lives within Tuscaloosa County. I have been a fan since I could breathe, and I have grown up watching Bama rise from the ashes to the dominate team they are today. My dad instilled a love of football in me that will not be shied away when September rolls around.

Its almost life changing when you get to the age to start looking at colleges. You KNOW that going to that rival college will amount to more conflicts, than good memories. Sometimes you just have to get over that pride, and focus on what is more important.

Once I decided to go to Mississippi State University, the first thing I thought of was football season. In the beginning, I said I would never pick up a cowbell. I didn't care about this team or anything to do with it.

That is not my mindset now!

Having two teams that you care about is hard. Not going to lie. You try to keep to your roots as much as possible, but your school will take up more room in your heart than you expect. I mean come on, we all pay a ton of money to attend this school, so I can guarantee you will always see a cowbell in my hand from now on! My advice is to try and keep a healthy balance!

Make time to watch both teams and keep up with the schedule! In my case, I wear my Crimson during the week and wear my Maroon on Fridays and Saturdays! It's not easy rooting for the underdog, and the alpha. But find your balance and cheer those boys on come Saturday!

Roll Tide and Hail State!!


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