I have experienced multiple health problems throughout my life, perhaps the two hardest ones being depression and anxiety disorders. If you've not experienced those yourself, you simply don't understand how incredibly difficult they can make day-to-day life. Taking medication, seeing a counselor/therapist, and having a support group of friends and family can be super helpful, but even with all of those depression and anxiety can still bring you down even on good days.

Lately, I have been really anxious. Thankfully I've not had any full-blown panic attacks since I have been at college, but I have come close several times. Different people experience panic attacks differently but what typically happens to me is difficulty breathing, headache or migraine, stomachache, dizziness, crying, heart racing, shaking, and/or sweating. I'll have any number of those symptoms for any length of time, and I won't be able to control myself whatsoever until the attack passes. As I'm sure you can imagine, these attacks are quite frightening and people often feel as if they are dying when they get these just because they are so intense and scary and awful.

I'm not sure what exactly has caused me so much anxiety as of late, to the point of nearly having panic attacks on a regular basis. Maybe it's just the new environment--I've only been in college for about 6 weeks--even though I love it. But one thing I can say I love about my school is that when people find out about this anxiety disorder and that the medicine I've taken since March has been less effective lately and I don't know why, they don't offer judgment, fear, or criticism...they just show me love and compassion. They put aside any existing stigma and just accept me as I am, even in my most anxious moments. They pray for me, they listen to me, they hug me, they offer to help me in any ways I may need help that they can give to me. If I had to choose a time and a place for my anxiety to be acting up again, this would probably be my choice, just because people here are so incredibly kind and loving even in the midst of my confusion and pain.

I never chose this life. I never would have wanted to experience anxiety like this--especially since my natural personality is very calm, even-keel, and relaxed. But I believe God can use even the worst of situations for His glory and our good. So until He chooses to heal me, be it in heaven or on this earth, I'll trust Him even when my anxiety disorder tells me He is not trustworthy. I know He is, even though this anxiety so often tells me otherwise. I trust that He is good and loving and faithful. I may not be able to see how panic attacks could possibly be used for any good, but I will trust Him anyway. He sees the whole picture and I know He loves me and has a plan and purpose for my entire life. This anxiety disorder changes neither His love nor His plan for me. So even in my darkest, hardest, most painful hour, I'll continue trusting Him, and thanking Him for blessings like Dallas Baptist University where I have an amazingly caring community all around me.