It has been exactly 65 days since I've moved into college. And amongst those 65 days, I can say that I have felt lonely 85 percent of that time. I had heard the phrase "You can be in a sea of people and still feel so lonely" a thousand times, but it wasn't until college that I actually understood that phrase. I study at a public college with a little over 30,000 people in attendance. You'd think that I could find one friend in the midst of all of those people right? Wrong. I found myself reverting back to hanging out with friends from back home, which isn't bad, but I wanted to meet new people as well. But this situation that I got myself into was entirely my fault. I was eating meals by myself, staying only in my dorm, and declining invitations to do anything by saying I had "studying" to do. I fell into the lies about my loneliness, so I'm going to warn you about these if you also find yourself discouraged.
1. No One Has The Time To Hang Out
No one has time to get to know new people. I have fed myself this line over and over again. I kept telling myself that no one had the time because everyone had to study or go to class. This is one of the biggest lies. Everyone has time at some point. Whether they have to go eat or run errands, everyone has the time. Invite someone to lunch, offer to drive someone to the grocery store, or even drive someone to the airport if they're needing to get home. By offering your help and giving up your own time you are opening up a door.
2. I Have Too Much Studying To Do
This one is a lot like the last one except you're making your own "studying" an excuse. I know how it goes. You sit down to study on your computer and then five minutes later you end up watching Netflix. If you really are going to study then that's fine, but the minute you take your five-minute break that turns into two hours you have no one to blame but yourself for skipping that dinner with a friend.
3. I'm Too Weird; People Don't Want To Know Me
I'm one of the most mature/immature people you will meet depending on the day. To give you an example, I can have deep talks with someone and then turn around that same day and play Webkinz (no shame). I freaked myself out by convincing myself that no one would like the real me so why try and make friends just to get rejected. As my mom always says "You will find your tribe." This phrase used to annoy me when she said it, but it's so true. There will always be people like you. Not everyone is going to think you are weird.
4. I'll Just Wait For Someone To Talk To Me
No, No, No. Go out of your way. If you want to find your tribe you're going to need to go outside your comfort zone and talk to people. I'm an introvert when I don't know people so I know how scary talking to someone you don't know can be. But how can you expect to make great friends if you aren't willing to talk to people and get to know them? Chances are they're just waiting for someone to talk to them too.
5. I'll Just Find A Friend Tomorrow
Why wait? What will change tomorrow? You'll still be lonely and you'll still talk yourself out of it. Now is the time to talk yourself into saying yes to going to eat with friends, starting a conversation about how ridiculous your professor is to the person sitting behind you, inviting someone from an organization you're involved in to go around town with you.
It's never too late to change the situation you are in. Positivity works wonders and that's what I'm starting to realize. I'm tired of feeling lonely and like I have no one when I actually do. There are so many people reaching out to me and all of these lies I've been feeding myself have finally come up as just that; lies. The truth is I have the time, old friends, organizations and opportunities that have given me the chance to get out of loneliness for a while. I've only grabbed at it recently, but it feels so amazing. I'm sure you have the same opportunities in your life, but you just need to clearly see them with a positive attitude. Once you do that you'll be amazed at how much brighter your years at your University look. I dreaded staying here for four years and it hasn't even been a whole semester, but now I am excited to see what my future holds here. Forever to thee, Carolina.
