Never in my life would I imagine myself being where I am today. I'm not here to push my beliefs on you. However, I am here to attempt to give you a sense of hope. Everyone you have ever met, ever will meet, and currently know, has a past. Whether good or bad, there are some things we all wish we could change about ourselves, others or the way we live our lives. Letting go of what once was will forever be one of the most challenging yet rewarding things people must face in a lifetime. Once I realized that, my life seemed so much greater.
Before I got to college, I was never a religious person. I believed in God, however, I didn't have a personal relationship with him. I thought that he only worked in certain people's lives, but I figured I was left out of His equation. Corallie Buchanan wrote in one of her books something that spoke to me on a huge level, “...You say to God, “I have never seen you provide for me.” God says to you, “You have never trusted Me.” After my first semester at FSU I noticed there was something in my life that I was missing. I had so much to be thankful for. I was attending an amazing university, had great grades, had wonderful friends, I was in shape, and making money. However, I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and insanely lonely. I truly felt like there was nothing good in my life. That's when I knew I needed something greater.
Once I got involved with a local church and found God, my life was brightened in so many ways. There were so many blessings that were happening around me that I would not have noticed if I hadn't made the change that I did.
There is such a painful anger, hurt, and trouble that comes with having to let go of the past. How long must you wait until you realize that enough is enough? Are the memories really worth the pain? It's so heartbreaking getting so close to someone, for them to know you better than you know yourself, to spend hours upon hours with someone, to love someone so hard... for them to let you down maybe once, or maybe multiple times. Just know, God will never let you down; people come and go, but He is always there.
Every single person that has come into your life, you did not meet by chance. Every person was placed in your life by God to teach you a lesson or help you learn something about yourself, whatever that might be. He is able to help you realize who should and shouldn't be in your life. If I hadn't found Him when I did I would still be relying on others for happiness, I would continue to live in self-pity and be unaware of the fact that I was unable to be content with my life on my own.
Someday I hope that you will be grateful that God gave you what you needed and not what you wanted. Don't worry, He's got you covered.
