Dear Bullies,
Thank you. I've spent a lot of time trying to build up my self confidence after all the things you've said and did. At age 14 it's already hard enough trying to find out who you are without the mean words and judgmental atmosphere.
"Beached whale."
"Fat Fingers"
"If I poked you it would probably bounce off your fat and you wouldn't even feel it."
These are the words that have cut me so deeply that as a 19 year old girl I still remember them, and more.
The words I still remembered as I skipped meals hoping to lose all my "baby fat."
The words that echoed in my head as I chose to run home to lose any of the fat that I could.
Switching schools, wishing to never hear any mean words again.
The words that haunted me every time I ate too much, or when I took a bite of something sweet.
The anxiety inside when random people laugh, because you think they are laughing at you.
Constantly insecure, constantly checking to make sure your whole appearance is perfect so no one will say anything.
Walking into any public place and instantly feeling two feet small because people look at you and you instantly feel judged.
Not being able to order food in a public place because you're afraid people are silently calling you fat.
These are the things I feel all just because of what you've said, and there's more.
Not being able to find self worth is the hardest of them all. You never feel good enough. never.
But this is why I want to thank you. I'm not being sarcastic, I'm being genuine.
Everything you said and did made me who I am today. Am I shy and insecure? Yes. But I'm shy with a big heart for everyone.
I'm dedicated. If it wasn't for your mean words I probably wouldn't have lost the weight that I did.
Your words are what pushed me to run one more lap.
Thank you for making me sensitive to everything around me. This has made me cautious and by being cautious I have saved myself from many unwanted and unneeded heartbreaks.
Thank you for letting me appreciate how far I have come.
You have cut me deeper than you will ever know, but with these wounds I've become the strong, beautiful woman I am today.
I'm not excusing you for what you've done to me, however, I am forgiving you.
It took me awhile, but now I see that I don't get my worth from what people say about me, I get my worth from God.
There's still a lot of insecurities but if there's one thing I know it's this...
I am beautiful and I was beautiful, even when you said I wasn't. You don't get to decide that, because you didn't create me, God did and He calls me beautiful, needed, wanted, worthy, and His.
Best wishes
Love,
Naomi Alseth
