I have not heard from you in a while, and I cannot say that I am surprised. Every time we have talked it turned into arguments where you would tell me that, “You’ll only understand when you are older, when you have a family.”

I understand now.

I cannot say that the divorce between you and Mom ended well, but I can say it made high school difficult for me. I put on a fake smile, and I pretended like nothing was wrong, even though you were always in the back of my mind. I wondered if you would ever change.

I tried to believe that you didn’t cheat on Mom, because I could not believe my own father would do such a thing to his family. What was even worse was that you married that woman, and I was put in the middle to decide between you or Mom. I wanted both, but both of you would get mad at me if I picked a side. I had years of being stuck in the middle, trying to have both of my parents and not succeeding.

I lost you.

The only reason I lost you was because you were selfish and miserable. I saw the negative effects on my mother growing up, never realizing it until I was mature enough to understand what was going on. I saw how your family and friends stopped inviting her to things. I saw how you lived with your new family and still claimed you “love me” when you can’t even talk to me now without telling me I need to grow up.

I gave you a chance.

I never listened to my mom or my sister. My sister stopped talking to you, but I tried to keep it together. I wanted my father in my life, but you were slowly pushing me out of yours. You were so angry that I could not accept your new family quick enough, and you were so angry that I didn’t call enough. I wanted you to love me, but all you tried to do was fix me.

You got mad when I started to have my own opinions and stuck up for myself. You got mad when I didn’t accept your wife or her son. You got mad when you could not control me anymore.

And I wish I could tell you all of this. If I told you, you would be stubborn and turn it around on me, making it my fault. I never would have thought my dad would have emotionally abused me.

You could have tried harder.

You could have bought me a plane ticket. You could have come to see me. You could have called without arguing with me and just listened to how my day was. You could have been friends with Mom. You could do more than send a simple, “Happy Birthday,” text from your wife, her son, and then you.

I see men differently now.

I always craved a man’s attention, because I simply could not get any attention from you. I see men differently now. It’s hard for me to love any of them. The only man’s love I wanted was from you, and I couldn’t even get that.

You made your point.

Your new family means the world to you and you are “happy," because apparently you were so unhappy with Mom besides the fact I saw a true smile when you were with her that I haven’t seen on you in years.

But now I make my point. My point is that I forgive you, and I always have. I never forget about you, but I will not let you walk all over me anymore. I appreciate that you still help me financially, but that’s all that you do. I wish that you could realize how hard I tried, and that I wanted a relationship with just you. But you couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t accept your new family.

But, I will always love you, and that’s why I am so angry with you. You are 58 years old, and I am finally telling you to grow up yourself. You should realize how big of a mistake you’ve made, and that I am your daughter. I was the girl that used to mean the world to you.

One day I will see you when I am old enough to travel and visit you. I know the encounter will be rough, and may make things worse, but I am willing to give it a try.

I also have to thank you.

You made me into the person I am today. It’s really sad for you that you got to miss me growing up, but having no male figure in my life made me independent. My mom was at work, my sister at college, and I was by myself in an empty house all day. It made me learn how to be alone. It made me grow into a stronger person.

I thank you for being there for some of my life, but I do not thank you for taking it away.

Dear Dad, I did it without you.