Dear "Dad,"
I'm your daughter and you're my father, but it's clear that's not the type of relationship we have. I'm just another girl to you and quite frankly, you probably wouldn't recognize me if we passed each other on the street. I wouldn't dare stop you to say "Hello" and make small talk because you don't deserve my time. If we're being honest, I'd rather go my entire life not meeting you because of the horrible pain I've been suffering for years, questioning why I was abandoned by a person a little girl needs the most.
Even calling you my "father" brings about intense pains, countless memories of tossing in my bed wondering why I wasn't enough for you, and tears to last a lifetime. While I am wondering whether or not to allow you into my life, the question tosses in my mind: Why wasn't I enough for you and how could you abandon me?
I've spent years trying to come up with a logical reason as to why you haven't made an appearance in my life, and nothing seems to ring a bell. I needed you to help me grow up. I needed not only my mother's guidance but the guidance of a father. I needed a man to tell me that the boy I liked was no good for me. I needed that father-daughter protection when the first boy I loved broke my heart. I needed a man as a defender.
It sickens me that one can go to bed at night, carry on with their life, knowing their own blood-line is suffering from sadness and abandonment. It boggles my mind that you can maintain strong relationships with your other children, but me? No, I wasn't good enough for you. I wasn't what you wanted and that's fine. But give me some explanations as to what I did wrong. What made me so different from the rest?
Due to the horrible choices you've made, I've learned to live a life without two parents like every child should. It's clear to me that you don't have a heart; don't care about anyone other than yourself. You shouldn't think randomly attempting to be in my life after my 19 years on this Earth that I would be willing to let you in with open arms. You should be begging for my forgiveness, begging to get to know someone as strong as I am.
I just want to say thank you. Thank you for showing me the kind of person NOT to be. Thank you for making me the strongest person I could ever be. And I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry you don't get to know someone as independent, caring, strong and successful as me. But that wasn't my choice, it was yours. And I'm glad you chose to go your own way because I've managed to be the best person I could be without your help, which probably wouldn't even be useful.
Sorry you couldn't see your own blood grow up; you could but you chose not to.
With extreme hatred,
Your "daughter."
