Dear sixteen-year-old self,

You are beautiful.

This is a year of a lot of big happenings for you. You are sixteen now and finally able to drive on your own! (This means you can speed if you want without your mother finding out.) Be careful though, it's going to become a habit and your mother won't like it when you come home with tickets.

Speaking of your mom, please stop fighting with her. She really does have your best interest in mind.

You're playing softball and volleyball, and you love it. Pay attention when you're playing. Enjoy the thrill of the game while it lasts. That hip pain that started up last year will soon keep you from playing at all.

You are carefree but also very focused. I want you to prepare for failures in your life. This doesn't mean you are one. These are experiences to learn from and even learn to cherish.

Enjoy your little struts down the hallway at school. Hold your head high. Stop trying to suck in your gut. You don't have one. I wish I was still as skinny as you.

You do not love that boy you say you do. He's fun to hang out with but don't ever give up who you are and what you believe for anyone. Do not find your self worth through the texts sent to you. Find it within yourself. You are strong and you deserve to love yourself for you, not for what guys like about you.

Don't ever stop being weird. Please stop poofing your hair.

You are beautiful.

Dear Eighteen Year Old Self,

You are beautiful.

Tell Tommy to go to the doctor. Tell him exactly what you know now to be wrong with him. Tell him he needs a heart transplant. Please.

You're about to lose a very important friend. It will not seem real. This isn't a type of friendship loss you've ever experienced before. It can't be real. You will not be able to get him back. Please don't say it's real. The only times you will see him are when you visit his grave. It's real. Tell Kaitie as soon as you find out. Don't let her find out from Twitter. You will beat yourself up over this for quite some time.

You got accepted to your dream school the day before your birthday. This is awesome! You have proven to yourself that you can do anything you stick your mind to! Hold onto this feeling.

Don't forget to take your medicine everyday. Depression is nothing to mess around with.

Stop getting straight-across bangs. It will never happen for you.

One more thing... I know you want a date to prom, but you need to get rid of that boyfriend of yours. He's always putting you down for having questions about calculus and he doesn't even believe in global warming. What are you thinking, girl? (By the way, you will pass the AP Calculus test and you will sit on the front row at graduation.)

You are beautiful.

Dear Twenty Year Old Self,

You are beautiful.

I hope you aren't still mad at your best friend that just kind of disappeared. In fact, I know you're just sad about it. Know that she has some things going on in her life just like you. Don't blame her.

It's sophomore year. Can you believe it?! You've been at your dream school for three semesters now. You love your friends but something seems wrong. Have you been taking your medicine? I know the answer to that. Don't try lying to me like you do to everyone else.

I want you to be prepared to leave your dream school. I need you to be prepared to not go back. You'll see one day that it was the best decision for your mental health. I promise you, things will work out.

You're going to become a UCA Bear and join a sorority. (What?!) You are about to meet the best friends you've always wanted. You are going to have a friend group that sticks with you through some tough times that are coming ahead. Don't worry about that right now though. Just take your medicine.

You're going to finally plan a trip to Austria this year! You will love it! Traveling that far by yourself will be scary, but you will enjoy it so much. Embrace your adventurous side.

You are beautiful.

Dear Twenty-One Year Old Self,

You are beautiful.

You're going to Austria! This is going to be the highlight of your year. Drink all the Glühwein. Take all the pictures. Have all the fun. No matter how many times you tell yourself you won't cry when you leave, you will. You will never want to leave the magical place that holds one of your best friends away from you. You will be heartbroken you are leaving what feels like your family behind, but don't worry, they will only be a Facebook message away.

You will get a cat. His name is Maples. He will be your baby. You will send so many pictures of him to everyone. They will get tired of it, but who cares? Not you!

I hate to say this, but this is going to be a rough year. Very rough. Your upcoming hip surgery will be the least of your worries. You will be put into a mental health hospital while still on crutches. The macaroni and cheese duct tape covering the metal of the crutches will make you crave it the entire time you're in there. Going to Bridgeway won't be all bad as you'll meet someone that will become a dear friend. He will help you through so much in the next year.

When your psychiatrist mentions Bipolar Disorder to you, don't shut him out. Listen to him. He's onto something.

When you don't listen to him like I know you won't, call someone before you try to overdose. Tell them you need help. You may end up in Rivendell anyway, but at least you won't have that label attached to you. "Suicide Attempt Survivor." You won't feel like you survived. You'll feel like you still lost. Stick with treatment and you'll finally start to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

You are beautiful.

Dear Current Self,

You are beautiful.

This is when you finally feel as if your mother is your best friend. You tell her everything even if she's too busy to hear it. You're sorry for all those years you fought with her, but you know she understands.

You've been through so much but that light keeps getting brighter. Keep going toward it. You finally feel like a survivor–it's what keeps you going every day. Your friends are the best friends you could ever ask for and you get to see your Austrian friend soon! You finally feel like you are you again. Keep going. Keep persevering. I believe in us.

You are beautiful.