To the guy in my life who doesn't know what he wants,
I remember when we first met junior year of high school. I was introduced to you by one of my best friends. I had to admit at first, I didn't think much of you; I assumed you would be any other guy who I would end up walking past in the halls and saying nothing more than a civil "hey". As the school year went on, I saw you more often than I imagined, but we hadn't really built a strong friendship just yet. It wasn't until the day we both found out we were working at the same day camp that we began to think more of each other. I believed that this experience is why we started to talk more often than we did.
On the first day of our week-long orientation, I was frightened. I thought I would be alone at camp in the hot, sticky, blazing sun from 8:00-4:00 all alone until I got that one text from you. You wanted to meet up with me, so we did. We sat together all day until we were dismissed to go home. The next day, the director told me I would be taking on the role of the arts and crafts specialists because of a lack of staff in that department. Yes, I was upset, but I knew I would be seeing you and your campers twice a week, every single week. I started to look forward to that time because we would both laugh and joke around. You left your clipboard in the room every single time; I thought it was hilarious. As the long, dragged-out weeks of camp moved on, I noticed something. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught you staring at me. Not once, but multiple times. Not only that, but you seemed to genuinely enjoy our weekly conversations. I realized I started to, as well. It was a relieving break from a jam-packed day of whiny and exhausted children, talking to someone my own age. I started to laugh at your jokes, it was pure enjoyment for me, something very rare during this job.
It wasn't until the beginning of September that everything changed. I remember that phone vibration, just expecting a text from one of my friends. But it wasn't: it was you. You had just asked me out. I was stunned; you almost made me drop my phone in disbelief. I didn't want to seem desperate and answer right away, but as soon as I did, it was an automatic yes. We planned it for a week later. It was an official date, and you even asked me to be your girlfriend. I was ecstatic. I got little hints from you, such as when you stalked my Facebook and liked one of my old profile pictures. Little did I know that it would not turned out as planned. The night before our first date, I asked you where we were going. You left me on "read". I didn't think much of it until the following morning until you asked for us to stay friends. I was confused. The previous week, you were all over me, and now you weren't? You even asked me to homecoming and then bailed on me two days before, leaving me without a date.
We ended up not talking for two months until you were all over me again. You seemed different this time: you were constantly asking me if I wanted to be your girlfriend; if I wanted to date you; if I wanted to kiss you. I decided to give you a second chance and say yes, but nothing ever happened. You started snapchatting me, asking inappropriate questions. It started to piss me off. I then found out your friends dared you to, and it wasn't till then that I became extremely angry with you.
Again, another two months passed until you texted me again. You always called me "cutie", always called me "babe", you said you loved me and I said I loved you too, and you always said good morning and good night. By then, we were almost basically a couple. We spent our lunches chatting and joking around; you were sneaking glances at me as I ate. You said you wanted to date me again; you constantly asked if I liked you. I fell head over heels for you, even after all you did. I would be nervous to see you at school. All my friends basically made fun of me, constantly bringing up how cute of a "couple" we were together. We ended up going to prom together, we even danced, yet it was still awkward. But I enjoyed it as I looked into your eyes.
Again, as I expected, we stopped talking after prom. But as soon as college started, you were all over me once again. That was the last straw. I then realized that you weren't the right guy for me. Not only that, but I was angry. You didn't treat me right. I knew you couldn't handle the stress of having a girlfriend. I was angry and upset. I was so excited because I would have a shoulder to cry on, I would be able to lay down on you like all couples do, we would take cute couple photos with me on your back, I was supposed to have a valentine for Valentine's day, I would have dates for future dances, I would have somebody who would text me cute good morning messages to make my day. Part of me still missed you: I had pictures of us at prom in my dorm room, you were even my phone background. It came to the point where I decided none of that would be worth it if you weren't devoted.
So listen to this: I am waiting for the right guy who knows what he wants and can be devoted to a relationship. I am waiting for a guy who won't bail on me right before a date, who will not ignore me for months and then come back. So guess what I'm going to say? Here it is: know what you want before you start dating girls. And make sure you can handle it because I am way more than you can handle, I am more than enough for you.
Sincerely, a girl who can do way better.