“Four-eyes.”
“Snakeskin.”
“Cry-baby.”
“Smeagol.”
“Nerd.”
Taunted. Laughed at. Pushed around.
Many of you know how it feels like to be bullied. I do.
I know there are many others who have experienced much worse than I have. However, bullying in any shape or form should not be tolerated.
I was teased for being small, for being studious, for being obedient, for being naïve, for being emotional, and for physical traits I had no control over. Many of you have felt the sting of similar or worse taunts. I have a message for you who have been bullied.
You matter.
You are a valuable person in God’s eyes. There’s only one of you in the whole world, and whether you believe it or not, the world would be a poorer place without you.
Please don’t tell yourself that you’re deserving of such abuse. Please don’t. No one deserves to be mistreated; no one deserves to be physically or verbally abused or bullied. Don’t endure bullying in silence, seeing it as deserved punishment. You are not responsible for being bullied; the bullies are.
Those who hurl abuse at you are in the wrong. They do not speak the truth about you. In fact, their words reflect their weaknesses more than yours. A person who has to step over others to feel good is misguided and immature. A person who puts someone down to feel strong is actually weak. They lack confidence, and so, they try to drag down your confidence as well. They only have as much power as you give them. Don’t let them have that kind of power over you. There is constructive criticism, and there is criticism that only seeks to hurt and wound. Learn to block out the second type.
Find friends you can lean on for comfort and protection. Though you may feel there’s no one who cares about you, that’s not the ultimate truth. There are people out there who have felt similar pain, and want to help you. There are hotlines you can call for help. There is strength in numbers.
You are special, and you have your own talents and abilities that can bring joy to others. I’ve noticed that bullies often target two different areas: potential strengths, and genuine weaknesses.
Potential strengths can be targeted through such name-calling: nerd, teacher’s pet, goody-two-shoes or other similar names. It’s not a weakness to be a good student, obedient or focused on doing the right thing. These are strengths. Bullies may actually be cognizant of how good you are at something, and in their jealousy or shame, seek to tear you down. Don’t let a lesser person pull you away from what you are good at.
Genuine weaknesses can be further split into uncontrollable and controllable.
Uncontrollable weaknesses include birth defects or medical problems that you cannot really prevent. Examples include short-sightedness, shortness and asthma. You can let those weigh you down, or you can show others that these “uncontrollable weaknesses” don’t have to hold you back. Do not allow someone else to convince you they are your fault.
Controllable weaknesses are weaknesses that can be changed over time or with practice. Examples include clumsiness, lack of athletic skill, obesity, or body odor. Instead of letting bullies hold these over your head like a guillotine blade, take possession of these traits. Learn to love yourself for who you are, and focus first on your strengths and what you are capable of. Your weaknesses do not define you as a person.
I have close friends who will read this, who have struggled with being bullied and with self-image. I say this again, to myself, to them, and to everyone who has been bullied:
It is not your fault.
You do not have to be limited to what others say you are. Do not allow bullies to dictate how you see yourself. It is in their weakness that they attack and bully you.
You are special. You are loved. Don’t suffer alone.
Above all, God loves you. He does. Even if no one else seems to be listening, He will. Try it.
Love,
Jarrett
