Listen, we all know friendships, dating, love and well just about any type of relationship have been a challenge, but this is why I am here to inform you that it gets better. Sometimes it is your own doing, but other times it is due in part because of your friends or another person’s opinion that may have persuaded you to opt out of a relationship. Ultimately you know what is and feels right for you and your heart, not someone getting inside your brain and feeding you ideas that were never once there until he or she put them there.

This then leads to higher expectations set up for a man who could be sitting right under your nose. Who says he is not the prince charming you have been waiting for, or fantasizing about? Not implying you have to kiss every frog to find him, but you are a strong, independent woman who likes to be cared for too. While you can handle your life separately, attending classes, work, completing assignments and showing up to events on campus, I know you like to be surrounded by people. I have seen both sides but especially the good ones go because you let little details get in the way.

You have gone on dates where you are rated much like the newest Disney princess — you are taken out to concerts, dinner, shows, etc., shown chivalry is not dead with opening doors, bought jewelry, share an umbrella or given his jacket, invited to pre-paid dates, but you are scared of attachment. You are not asking for a man to do all these things for you, but I feel as though I have seen some walk out the door who were not given the time they deserved because something in your head was working like a light switch- on and off with each day.

When a man opens up his heart it is rare, and should be taken into account that perhaps it took all his guts to ask you out in the first place. It's understandable if the feeling is not mutual, but if a guy is putting his heart and soul into trying for you just give him a chance. No man is ever going to “change” but he can adjust to fit your needs as you can his. Too often people throw out fires when they are still burning. Just do me and this future guy a favor by considering how your partner is feeling, stand in their shoes, be giving and compromising, and emotionally generous. Think it over if he drove an hour to see you, or was tired just getting off of work but still made the effort.

There have been a few screwballs in your life too, however, which upset me for 1. They are the reason behind my now grey hair that will never turn blonde again and 2. For your tears. To watch a person do so much to support another only to have it come back in their face is disheartening. His problems became yours, and in the long run, I lost my sister for a while. I did not know who this person was. She was angry, upset, and frustrated. What happened to the girl I once knew? To see you make the same mistakes over and over again and let a man, or “child” as it seems more suiting, manipulate you out of anyone’s control but yours and his — it broke my heart.

I know your concern was worrying about him, but in the end, he only worried about his own well-being. I can say this now that you faced those struggles and have moved on, but for the future, I never want to see that happen to you again. Some words of advice: you cannot love anyone more than your willingness to love yourself. Through this I learned about the importance of caring for my mind, body, and spirit. It is like all else, love can be compared to that of an oxygen mask on a plane. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to the person next to you. Remember that it is you who is in control of your own happiness. If you believe you are undeserving of it then that is what the universe will serve you.

Next time around, have an open mind. Do not close doors where possibilities could arise, but also choose to commit when you are ready. Try your best not to rush into anything and use your words carefully — they can inspire, but they can also cut like knives. You can love your dog the moment you get him, but a boy takes time. Give yourself the act of kindness by letting time pass after each break up. You can learn about and it eases some of that stress you have been facing. Learning to love yourself will be the hardest lesson you ever learn, there is no beating around the bush with that one, but the more you try to control something, the more it controls you. Let go, free yourself, and let life run its course.