A Letter to Myself From 2014

A Letter to Myself From 2014

I look forward to looking back on my growth
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August 16, 2014

Dear (2017) Bryanna,

Today is the last day of the 5 Main Conference camp. I am excited to pursue my first real leadership role, and to represent DOLLS (Daughters of Our Living Lord and Savior) ministry at my school. What I hope to accomplish is to lead my school to Christ, with the help of my fellow officers. I am more than confident that this camp has prepared me for the battle of this upcoming year. Being here gives me an idea of dorm life next year: sharing a tight space, away from home, surrounded by peers day and night. Hopefully I will only have one roommate instead of nine! (We are sharing a cabin with another high school chapter...with a dozen bunk beds!)

Senior years officially begins one week from tomorrow!!! I am super excited to extend the college searching process so I can graduate high school and migrate from Texas. My goal for the semester is to retake the ACT and get accepted into Cedarville University in Ohio. I am searching for a Christ centered university where I have the opportunity to grow academically, personally, and spiritually with the entire student body. As far as field of study, after completing an independent study in accounting last year, I have decided to look back into creative writing again.

While there are four months remaining in 2014, I can honestly say this year has changed my life the most. My mental health has come a long way between spring 2013 and today. I am thankful for DOLLS, my church, and friends who helped me through the chaos of junior year. Although this month was also rough from losing two relatives back to back, making it to Kentucky for the funeral helped me cope with the tragedy. It reminded me to spend as much time with my elders as possible.

As I say goodbye to this camp, and the amazing people I met, I am ready to take on senior year. I am ready to go my best in each class and improve my writing skills for my college admissions essays, as well as improving on my ACT. I am ready to be remembered (in the most positive way) at my high school and each classmate/friend who does not make it to my future. I look forward to looking back on how much I have changed in the next few years!!

Sincerely,

Bryanna from 2014

(aka me from the past)

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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Goodbye School, Hello Real World

I'm ready for ya!

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It's starting to hit me.

I've been in school, year after year, since kindergarten. Maybe even pre-school!

Now, I'm about to graduate with my bachelors in communication and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'll say it. I often sugarcoat it or suppress it but d*mn it. I'm going to applaud myself. It was hard work. It took a lot of motivation, determination, (caffeine), and willpower to get to where I am today. I worked my ass off.

That being said, I can't help but think... What is life without due dates? What is life like without scrambling to turn in an assignment that's due at 11:59 PM? What is life like with actual sleep? Sleep? I don't know her.

Like I keep telling my boyfriend and my parents, I don't have it all figured out. At least not right now. But I will, and I'm in no rush to land my dream job right now. If anything, I want to take a year to myself. I want to travel. I want to sleep in if I d*mn well please! I want to read as many books as I want. I want to write till my fingers fall off (OK, maybe not that).

You get the jist.

I'm free. I can do and be whatever I want. And you know what? That's terrifying.

I'm lost. I've followed this structure for so long. Now what?

I don't have all the answers yet. But for now, at least right at this very moment, I'm so thankful to have been able to receive such an amazing education. And to be able to say I'm graduating with my bachelors in communication at 21 is an accomplishment in itself.

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