College. A place that filled with constant classes, social outings, and fresh starts. I thought that, when I went to school, I wouldn't have time for sports because I wanted to experience new things and I would be busy with academics. And while that's somewhat true, I found that I had a lot of free time even with my job.
Let me give you some background. I've played soccer my whole life. My parents signed me up at the age of four for simple clinics and I kept playing until my senior year in high school. Soccer became a part of who I am, it gave me friends and something to take pride in. I wanted to keep playing in college, but like I said before, I had too many worries for too far in the future and I never thought I would make it to a higher level team.
Giving into those fears and thoughts made me stop dreaming about playing after high school. It wasn't fair of me to give up on myself because I thought I wasn't good enough. I tried to shove it off, I tried to focus on other things like clubs and joining a sorority, but I always felt a tug on my heart whenever I saw a game on or even watching my brother play. I realized that it wasn't something I could just walk away from. It felt like I was missing something and that this new life I was trying to make for myself wasn't quite right. I told myself that I was simply starting a new chapter in my life, that this feeling was normal...
I'm not saying that trying new things was a huge mistake. No, I've met so many new friends and people that I'm so grateful to have in my life. I've made memories that I'll cherish forever and I got to test the waters on new experiences. What I'm trying to say is that while it's awesome to add some variety in your life, there are some things that you can never let go of. For some people, it can be something like dance or photography, even materialistic things like a pair of boots or a book.
Soccer is part of me, it's one of the few things that made me ever feel confident in myself and what I could do. It sounds cheesy to a lot of people probably, but hopefully, there's a few that understand. Sports make an impact on everyone that plays, each can be different, but for me, I found a sense of security playing even if I wasn't the best on the team. I'm hoping that I'll be able to figure things out, even if it takes a while to find that piece of me again.
Maybe I'm just wanting to chase my sport "glory days" from before college and I guess I won't get over it for a while, but for those who are questioning themselves or are having doubts, don't make the same mistake I did.
Even if you don't play sports, giving into fears instead of taking it day by day is not a way to live your life to its full potential.
If you feel confident when you dance, keep doing it. If you feel like you're on top of the world when you paint, keep doing it. The things we love make us who we are, they are a part of our identity and there is no reason to give up unless you're not interested in it anymore. If you have too many fears like I did, push through them, that will only give you another reason to feel confident.
