To The Last Crush I'll Ever Have As An Undergraduate, I'm Going To Miss You

In exactly 14 words from now, I may or may not taint your perception of me forever. Well, here goes...

...I like you, kid.

I've liked you since the spring of 2018 when you walked up to me and introduced yourself after one of the first classes we ever had together.

We talked for about an hour or so after that, and it was honestly one of the most insightful conversations I've ever had with anyone.

The truth is, I don't want you to move on. I want us to try to work out in terms of a relationship somehow. But I know that's just not possible for either of us at the moment.

You're going to go to law school in a few months, and so will I. It won't be long before another woman sees just how intelligent, kind, accepting, and admirable you are (and for the both of you to fall for each other in the end).

It's slightly torturous for me to think about, but I've got no choice but to accept it. And in all honesty, you're the first crush I've ever had who I genuinely want to be happy even though knowing you ended up breaking my heart.

I'm going to miss the anxiety that comes with awaiting your arrival to class hoping that we'll sit next to each other and talk about our lives and futures after it ends.

I'm sorry for making you feel awkward by telling you all of this. Trust me, I know how determined you are to get to law school, and I certainly don't want to get in your way of accomplishing that goal.

But I also didn't want us to go our separate ways without telling you how great of a guy I think you are.

Everyone deserves to know that they're admired, and there are so many reasons why I admire you.

I admire the way your face lights up whenever you talk about history or politics.

I admire how motivated you are to make something amazing of yourself one day, and how focused you are on doing that.

I admire how you never hesitate to be yourself (including using words like "bronco" to describe what it was like to ride your broken bike).

I admire that you've always been so willing to help me out with the things I struggled to understand, even if you thought they were pretty simple.

I admire that you encouraged me to refrain from letting others interfere with my dreams.

You were extremely patient, accepting of who I was, and showed me that the best surprises are the ones that come out of the blue.

Even if you don't feel the same, I'm so thankful God made us good friends. In the end, knowing you has taught me that there are good guys in the world and that I can believe in finding one of them again even in my strongest moments of doubt.

I know you're going to be a fantastic lawyer, and I wish you nothing but success, happiness, and fulfillment in the future.

As difficult as this is to type, I'm going to miss you.

Here's to our last (virtual) fist pump.

Now please text me back so I know you don't think I'm entirely weird.