Never in a million years would I have thought I would leave you behind one day. We've certainly had a good run together, 14 years to be exact. I don't want this to be a "sappy" breakup, but it was not you, it was me. I fell out of love with you and I just burned out. The last few months of me playing you was not the easiest. I wanted to keep playing, but I knew it was not going to be good for me. I was not happy playing you anymore.
I remember it like it was yesterday, putting on those turtle shell knee pads, knee-high socks, the most horrendous looking pair of gym shoes, and forearm pads. I was in the first grade when my parents signed me up to play volleyball at the First Church of the Nazarene I remember my first practice, I sucked, but I was having fun, it made me happy. My parents told me they never saw me so happy until my coach placed the volleyball in my hands for the very first time.
A few years had passed and I was still playing for The First Church of the Nazarene, until my parents signed me up to play in the Homer Athletic Club Association (HACA), I was scared at first because I was leaving my coaches that I admired, but I was excited to take my volleyball skills to the next level. I was in HACA until I was in the sixth grade.
Being in sixth grade meant I was in junior high, and that meant I can try out for my school team, The Oak Prairie Bulldogs. I was really nervous for tryouts because my sister did not make it when she was a sixth grader because the coaches only pick four of them. I remember waking up at 5:00 am to be at the tryout that started at 6 am. I would practice and practice and practice before the tryouts just to get the nerves out. The tryouts lasted three days and on the last day I got cut, I was really crushed because I wanted to be on the team. I cried the whole day because apparently I thought my life was over. When I got home from school that day my dad sat me down on the couch and told me to get over myself because there is always next year, and I had club volleyball to play in the winter. Being in sixth grade also meant I can play club volleyball- a travel team. I tried out for Lockport Elite, a club team that ran through my high school so we had one of the high school coaches coaching us, along with a player on varsity that year. I was so nervous for these tryouts cause I was afraid I was going to get cut again, and I just did not want to go through that again so I was uneasy about it. I went through the tryouts and the coaches only cut two girls, which meant I made it! I was so happy, and proud of myself because I knew not making the school team was not the end of the world. Since this was my first year on club, I did not know what to expect, it was way harder than I imagined it, and I would just feel tired after practices. One of the only things different about Club ball was the tournaments were on weekends and tournaments roughly last about eight hours; give or take. I was exhausted, but I knew it would all be worth it.
Then, seventh and eighth grade came and my dad forced me to go to school tryouts again and I ended up making it both years, and we made it to state both years! We were the only team volleyball team to make it down to state. My seventh and eighth grade year I played for the club team UNO, playing at this level was a little faster, that is when we would run plays with the ball and we would have harder serves. During this time I had this drive to be the best that I can be, because I knew high school was right around the corner that I needed to get ready for. At a tournament my team and myself were struggling to get passes up to the setter and we looked like we did not know how to play. During a time out she said something that gave me this drive she said “play within your heart, or get the hell out of this gym.” It seemed very dramatic at the time, but it’s something I am going to carry on with me.
High School volleyball is a whole different ball game, it is a lot more competitive, and you have to work super hard to fight for your position. I made the team my freshman and sophomore year, but I got cut my junior year for varsity , and I did not try out my senior year because I wanted to focus on my studies.
When I got cut my junior year something changed, I just did not have that drive anymore. I wanted to quit, but my dad talked me out of it. He told me to do club. That year I tried out for Ultimate Volleyball Club (UVC). I was a little uneasy about it because at that point in time I did not have the desire to play anymore, but I still gave it my all. I played for UVC my senior year as well.
During my junior year everything changed, volleyball and my personal life. My favorite person in the world, my Uncle Paul was diagnosed with T-cell Lymphoma, a rare form of skin cancer. The news of that broke me inside, and all I wanted to do was play volleyball. Playing volleyball was my escape, I did not think about anything else. It was just me, my teammates, and the opponents. That’s when I knew I never wanted to give up the sport that I love because the thing he taught me was to never give up on something you love.
During season I was e-mailing coaches and visiting different schools, to play at; the one that stuck out to me the most was Illinois College. I committed to IC at the end of my junior year. All of a sudden I felt like my life was changing, and everything was going so fast; I just wanted everything to slow down.
In the beginning of my senior year, my uncle passed away, and I was devastated. I became very sad, and angry. Mostly angry because I could not do anything about it. Playing volleyball with my teammates, that later turned into family was all I needed to be happy. When I was playing volleyball nothing else mattered, all I knew is that I was happy, and my parents knew that too.
The moment I have waiting for since I was a little girl has finally come, playing at the college level in the NCAA. My season was rough I got a concussion that had me out for three weeks. Since a concussion is a traumatic brain injury it was hard for me to sit in on practices because my head would be killing me. My coach decided it would be best for me to stay in my dorm and sleep; I hated the idea but I knew it was going to make me better. I was secluded in my room for 3 weeks, grew very depressed and I would overthink every little thing. When I was released to play again I thought everything would go back to normal, but I was wrong.
Something happened that I thought would never happen. I fell out of love with the sport that made me who I am today. I tried to talk myself out of it and I would just tell myself that it was just a phase.
After the season I took some time to think about if I really wanted to play anymore. The sport that once made me happy, made me sad. Volleyball was not my escape anymore, it was my nightmare. Instead of me relieving stress, it would just add more stress.
I still remember the day my coach placed a volleyball in my hand, and it making me the happiest little girl in the world. I promised myself I would never let that little girl down that told herself she was going to play at the collegiate level no matter what happens, but the little girl would want me to be happy with or without volleyball. I know I am going to miss this sport because it shaped me into the person I am today. I have alot to be thankful for because of this sport.
So thank you for all the memories. Thank you for all the hard practices that I got through. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for being my escape. Thank you for all the opportunities I have been blessed with. Thank you for the life-long friends. Thank you for making me who I am today.
And for that I am forever grateful,
