Dear Anna,
Hi, girly. I know you can already feel it, but you are in for a ride for the next few months, darlin'. Trust me when I say that some of this? We never saw coming.
You're probably on campus right now, trying to finish yet another paper at the last moment. It's a habit you really need to break, but we both know that's not stopping anytime soon. You'd be a lot less stressed if it did though. Anyway, as for your future self, you're doing alright. You are healthy, so are those around you; you're keeping busy, which is always good. And you're not lonely. You worry about being lonely too much, I think. But there's really no need.
Don't get me wrong, though, you're definitely going to feel lonely for a hot minute. Two months, actually. Yeah, the beginning of quarantine will not be enjoyable for you at all. I'm sorry about that. But there's nothing that could have been done, nothing could have prevented a decision that should have been made much, much sooner.
Still, that doesn't mean it's not going to knock the wind out of you for a few weeks. Even with asthma, you'd think we'd get used to the feeling of not being able to breathe. But all of April? It was a breathlessness like we've never known. Everything ached, everything felt hopeless. I know there's nothing I could tell you that would change that right now. But it won't feel like that forever.
Eventually one morning, you'll wake up and you'll take a deep breath. And you'll be OK. I know you think you're going to love him forever, but guess what? That will fade, too. Every moment that feels all too real will fade into a memory so blurred it'll feel like the memory of a movie you watched years ago, not something you actually lived.
I want to tell you that this summer has been more than just this. I want to tell you you did things and went places. And you did; you saw friends and baked and wrote and distracted yourself because if you didn't, you would get overwhelmed.
I don't mean to frighten you with this. Really, I don't. I'm not trying to prepare you either, there's no way to do that. But I know how hard it's going to be for a bit. And I just really, really need you to know that it won't feel like that forever. Hell, it won't even feel like that for very long.You were happy before and you'll be happy again.
You are happy again.
Trust me, everything is going to be OK. Good luck,
Anna
