You probably wonder what it's like to have this disorder. You envision bruised arms and scarred bodies, along with a razor blade nearby.
You envision screaming and tears. However, i'm hear to tell you that anxiety is a "silent" killer in many cases. Many of the people you know struggle everyday, and you most likely aren't aware. Your best friend who's in a sorority and is the life of the party? She could be one of the ones struggling. It's not always the "quiet" people. Anxiety is nail biting, tapping our feet, and fidgeting with anything nearby. It's hiding in our car and corner of our room so no one will see us breaking down.
The tears and the screaming? It happens inside our own minds.
Our minds beat us up everyday, and leave those bruises. Those emotional scars. These scars that never quite go away. When these emotions get let loose, that's when it becomes visible. It's then that you see what we deal with, when we've had enough of holding it all inside. People who suffer from anxiety are the ones who you'd wish you'd gotten to know before you judged us and walked away because of those scars. We're the ones who understand pain and the actual idea of "going crazy", even if only for a few minutes. We understand what it's like to leave a social event early, and struggle with regretting it later. We know what it's like to miss out on an amazing opportunity because our anxiety says no. I wish you understood, but your brain isn't physically capable of it. I don't know what I want more, to not have this disorder or to have you walk in our shoes for one day. Just for you to feel the worrying, the heart racing, and the all around feeling of dread that we feel at random times for no reason.
Actually I don't, I wouldn't wish it on anyone to feel that. We will tell you that we are fine, and you believe us because you never feel the same. You will believe all of our lies, such as that "we aren't nervous to go bar hopping, with all the strangers and lights surrounding us", or that we are "happy" that you invited a bunch of people over that we're now forced to awkwardly converse with. You'll believe all of it. You'll believe it all because you're not one of us, and don't see this "slient" killer slowly taking it's toll on us. You din't see what happens behind closed doors. You grew up "normal", and had it easy. You never had to worry about being nervous on the first day of school, or almost crying at the thought of introducing yourself in class. You made friends with ease, while we watched afar, wishing we could be you.
Or, as I pointed out, wishing you could be us. I want you to know that we're not the type of people that you label us as. We're don't do what we do for attention. Or just because we're "clingy", as many of you would say. We're some of the best friends that you'll ever have. We're used to being left &abandoned, so we'd never do that to someone else. We also understand that being anxiety free doesn't make your life free of issues either. I'm not here to judge you for not being born with a disorder. I'm just here to give you a small glimpse of what anxiety sufferers go through on a daily basis, and to maybe stop and think next time you see us doing something weird or "unusual".
We'll be glad you did.
