Three years ago, you were only 16 years old. Sixteen magical years where you lived the American dream, filled with Friday night football games and your biggest concern was if you were going to get grounded. But that all will come to an abrupt end and before you begin to object— don’t.
Your dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease a few years ago. You don’t even really remember having that conversation with your parents. You just watched to see if he ever coughed or seemed sick, but he didn’t. He gave you a great big hug, and you went right back to your American dream.
The first stages are all a blur. You’re not going to understand why your family is in such chaos. You will fight with your mother to no end because your dad is your best friend. Yet you know you’re losing him, but you don’t understand why. You go through phase after phase, in typical teenager fashion, but nothing can be about you right now— so you revolt. You hate coming home, so you stay out as much as you can. Before you know it, you come home one day and all of a sudden your dad doesn’t even know where he is.
This is when it hits you— something is really wrong. It all floods in at once. The counseling sessions and the serious talks with your mom (that you never actually took serious). You reel backward remembering what all they said: “No cure.” But it is too late now. In the blink of an eye he is crashing into the final stage and all you can do is move forward with him.
The final stage is shocking, to say the least. One day he will wake up and no longer know how to walk. Your family has decided not to put him in a home, instead creating a hospital inside your living room. Once he stops walking, they will wheel in a terrible white bed with wires and medical supplies littered all around it. Then he will forget who you are. You are no longer his daughter. And that is ok because it has to be. You have grown patient and more understanding. So you deal with all this and tell your dad you love him, even if it confuses him.
For obvious reasons, the last month is going to be the worst. He cannot speak anymore. Your whole family has grown weary from caring for him 24/7. It is all too much. The pills, the bed blisters, the silence. You want it to be over, but ultimately that means you're losing your best friend completely and you’re aren’t actually ready for that. After months of fighting, your instincts switch to flight and you run away. This is one of the biggest mistakes of your life. You will never run from your problems again after this.
One night, your mom will insist that you spend time with him and after sufficiently annoying him, he will speak for the first time in over a month. “I’m fine.” He yells this multiple times and you look into your mothers tearing eyes. Your dad had always had a life philosophy of being fine, no matter what. But on his own death bed, being strong for his family and holding up his life philosophy might not be as easy as it sounds. But he does it. And the next day he ends the fight for good.
So three years and some change later, you're going to be holding a necklace of his fingerprint and your going to be listening to “Butterfly Kisses.” Remember the following things: You are loved. Stop forgetting this just because your Dad isn’t telling you it every day. You are strong, and you don’t owe an explanation for that. Lastly, live for him. live for you. live like tomorrow isn’t promised and live like the sky was never blue.
