A Letter To Confident People

A Letter To Confident People

Because some questions need answering.

Dear People Whom I Deem Beautiful and Confident,

Let me ask you a question: on behalf of all the people who sometimes feel and treat themselves like garbage, how do you do it? How do you go about your day convincing everyone that you’re 100% content with everything happening in your lives? How do you make it seem like you live a perfect existence (even though we know you don’t) and continue on, simply satisfied with what you’ve got? How did you reach your levels of confidence? Is the phrase “fake it until you make it” really something you live by? Or does it come by self-acceptance?

Often, I wonder if people like you are constantly happy. Obviously, I know you aren’t. You’re only human, and you’re bound to question your emotions. But you all seem to power through your struggles and end up in a good place at the end. Achieving something like that is beautiful to watch. It’s even magical. Even though it’s not easy all the time, how do you find the power to last through it?

In this part of the world, everyone always wants more. More money, more fame, more education, more justice, more drama, and even more fries. But the whole world strives for more happiness. To people like me, happiness seems to be the outcome of confidence. How do you make your confidence so appealing to those who lack it? How do you all convince us that confidence will make us happy?

Confident people: I want you to know that people aspire to be you. Many times, you’re the source of happiness and inspiration for people who cannot fully grasp the meaning of dignity and self-acceptance. I ask these questions merely out of curiosity, not to place you on a pedestal because I know you are also humans, and you have flaws too.

But the pinnacle of my thoughts is how you begin to accept yourself. Where do you begin? How do you begin to find beauty in the things that have disgusted you for years, or even decades upon end? What compels you to ignore the loud shouts of frustration and anger in your minds, and listen to the positive and encouraging voices instead?

If you know the answers to at least some of these questions, let us know. We’d really love to have them.

With Desperation,

Everyone Else Who Has Self-Esteem Issues

. . .

In any case, I’m fully aware that some of these questions may never have their answers because low self-esteem is something that everyone seems to suffer from. There are, however, a few individuals who have unlocked some keys of confidence. I’m proud to say that I’m friends with one of those people. Here are some lovely words to end with:

“I hadn’t realized just how much of a taboo self-confidence has become until I looked at myself. Why is it silenced? Why are the words ‘confidence’ and ‘arrogance’ interchangeable to many people? For so long, I’ve struggled with myself. I rarely felt beautiful, and when I did, I felt odd and almost uncomfortable. I thought confidence wasn’t something I was supposed to feel, and that I was better off littering my body with scars and filling my head with lies. I’ve recently been working on changing that in recent days. I still feel weird about referring to myself using words like ‘cute’, ‘beautiful’, and definitely ‘sexy’, but instead of fighting it, I’m trying to embrace it… I’ve begun to realize that confidence is a state of mind and not something that is reliant on physical beauty. Please, know that you are allowed to feel comfortable in your own skin. You’re a beautiful human being, who deserves to look at yourself with awe and wonder.” — Kristina Esmer

Cover Image Credit: Lifehack

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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In Real Life, 'Plus Size' Means A Size 16 And Up, Not Just Women Who Are Size 8's With Big Breasts

The media needs to understand this, and give recognition to actual plus-size women.


Recently, a British reality dating TV show called "Love Island" introduced that a plus-sized model would be in the season five lineup of contestants. This decision was made after the show was called out for not having enough diversity in its contestants. However, the internet was quick to point out that this "plus-size model" is not an accurate representation of the plus-size community.

@abidickson01 on twitter.com

Anna Vakili, plus-size model and "Love Island "Season 5 Contestant Yahoo UK News

It is so frustrating that the media picks and chooses women that are the "ideal" version of plus sized. In the fashion world, plus-size starts at size 8. EIGHT. In real life, plus-size women are women who are size 16 and up. Plunkett Research, a marketing research company, estimated in 2018 that 68% of women in America wear a size 16 to 18. This is a vast difference to what we are being told by the media. Just because a woman is curvy and has big breasts, does NOT mean that they are plus size. Marketing teams for television shows, magazines, and other forms of media need to realize that the industry's idea of plus size is not proportionate to reality.

I am all for inclusion, but I also recognize that in order for inclusion to actually happen, it needs to be accurate.

"Love Island" is not the only culprit of being unrealistic in woman's sizes, and I don't fully blame them for this choice. I think this is a perfect example of the unrealistic expectations that our society puts on women. When the media tells the world that expectations are vastly different from reality, it causes women to internalize that message and compare themselves to these unrealistic standards.

By bringing the truth to the public, it allows women to know that they should not compare themselves and feel bad about themselves. Everyone is beautiful. Picking and choosing the "ideal" woman or the "ideal" plus-size woman is completely deceitful. We as a society need to do better.

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