Even Though It's Scary You Need To Let Your Guard Down With Relationships

Even Though It's Scary, You Need To Let Your Guard Down With Relationships

I don't want to waste any more moments out of fear.

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For me, and I can imagine many of you, it can be very difficult to fully let your guard down and be comfortable with someone else, particularly in relationships. I know I have a hard time with commitment, that more often than not get scared. I look for some reason to back out because I'm too nervous to be let down, and at times for it to work out. It's easy to get caught up in the fears and to let them control you. But what I've come to realize is doing that will only hurt you and let you down.

With friendships and relationships, I have always had a difficult time fully being myself at first. I have a guard up, no matter how hard I pretend not too. I overthink everything, literally everything. I know I do this, but it doesn't make it any easier to not do it.

With every relationship I've had, they start out good, for the most part at least, but once things start to get more serious, I freak myself out. I look for little things to harp on, to worry about. I retreat back into myself and then it just gets awkward. When it gets to a point where I need to let my guard down, to have to trust someone else, I have a hard time doing that. And maybe it's because I've been hurt before, with friendships and relationships, that I have a hard time opening up at times. If I don't feel completely comfortable, it's hard for me to just release my inhibitions and truly be myself.

With any relationship in life, you have to just be yourself and deal with the consequences if they arise. And often times it's worth it. When you have that special moment with someone, where you can laugh until you cry, when you can reveal things that are close to your heart, when you can talk about your hopes and dreams for the future, those are those priceless moments that make letting your guard down completely and 100% worth it.

As I've gotten older, I've slowly begun to realize it's ok to slowly get comfortable, to be myself, just as long as I do that. The fears I have about commitment are only holding me back. And I don't want anything to hold me back, not when there's so much to experience out there.

I have grown a lot. I've become more comfortable in my own skin, with who I am. I still struggle with confidence, which is the root of a lot of my commitment issues, but I now realize that it's ok to be scared, to get those butterflies, as long as I don't retract. I need to embrace them, to embody who I am and live in the moment. That's the only way to make those relationships last, to be genuine and special.

We only get one shot at life. I refuse to waste another second because I'm scared. I want to embrace every moment and experience them fully.

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I'm Dating My Best Friend's Ex, But It’s Not What You Think

"I've got my forever, maybe he will be yours."

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My current best friend was also my high school best friend. Her high school boyfriend was a close family friend. After graduation, she knew that he wasn't her forever, and though it was hard to cut ties with someone she'd shared her life with for the better part of her high school days, she stepped out on faith and ended things. That was three years ago. Since then, she's found her forever.

She's found the one whom her heart loves, and they're set to be married a year from now.

While she was cultivating her relationship with her now fiancé, I was struggling my way through dead-end, short-lived relationships. She was there to support me through every heart-ache, failure, and Chinese food binge, and she continues to be a treasured confidant. Which made it strange when her ex from high school texted me six months ago. He's always been a close family friend, and we've kept in touch despite him going on to date other people after my best friend, but these texts were different. These texts were flirtatious and long-winded. These texts felt wrong.

It was as if I was betraying the person I am closest to, and I decided I had to talk to her immediately.

At first, I decided I needed to end the whole correspondence with him. What would she say if she knew I was entertaining such a notion? We had only been texting regularly for two days, but I couldn't keep such a secret, and I didn't want to. I explained the situation to her in detail. I offered to show her the messages, and I was completely mortified by what her response might be. I wasn't sure if I liked him, but I was sure I didn't want to lose my best friend over it. She listened to me babble on and on dramatically and frantically as I do about almost every situation I find myself in, and when I was finished explaining the entire situation, she spoke.

I've been reminded many times why she is my best friend. When we were co-captains on the volleyball court, riding the buses, complaining about the heat, and singing at the top of our lungs, I knew she'd always be the one I'd want to act crazy with. On the day we had our first real fight, we forgave each other almost instantly. I remember thinking, We've made it, she's the one that's going to stick around.

When we almost died riding a Razor because of a cow, I knew there was no one else I wanted to experience near-death situations with.

Because she continually accepts my apologies for things I should've known better than to do, I am grateful for her. She is patient when I make declarations about my life and then completely turn away from my own decisions. She is not judgmental of me, she is not full of malice. She supports my crazy schemes, she carves pumpkins with me, she tells me I'm a "skinny mini" when I know I'm not, but so hope I will be. She is everything a best friend should be and more. So, when she spoke, I was relieved, but not at all surprised to hear her kind-hearted response:

She thanked me for telling her and smiled. She told me that she was not angry, she was not hurt, she was genuinely happy for me. She told me she had always thought we would be a good match and that I should go for him.

She said, "I've got my forever, maybe he will be yours."

Honestly, I think that's the greatest, most self-less response I've ever heard. I continued correspondence with him with her blessing, and he and I became official a few months later. I don't know if he's my forever, but I'm so thankful for a best friend who has given me the chance to find out.

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Be Nice To Everyone, Even The One Who May Be A Total Jerk to You

You don't know what everyone is going through, so just be nice.

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"You're always so bubbly." "Why are you so nice?"

These are phrases I typically hear, and to tell you the truth, it's because why would you want to be mean? The reason I am nice to everyone is that you honestly don't know what people go through. You don't know if they're giving a fake smile or not because they have problems at home or with their friends. Even if you're having a bad day, don't take it out on someone else because you shouldn't use someone as your own personal punching bag.

People go through so many things in their daily lives. Everyone has their own demons and may be fighting their own fights, so why would you want to add fire to that? Wouldn't you want to be the person that makes someone smile after they have been having a bad day? Making someone's day will honestly make your day because you will feel like you helped someone.

Many people who are bitter at the moment tend to rain on other people's parades, or in other words, they want to stop the positive attitude of someone who is having a good day. This instance has happened to me many times, where people tend to want to ruin the positive attitude I have just because they don't agree with what I say or think that they're above me. When you're mean to a person, you give off the feeling that you think they're less and we live in a country where everyone should be treated equally. Being nice is about being a decent human being and treating the people you meet with kindness and respect, regardless of who they are.

In the past, I have had my share of bullying and people who are closed minded and have negative attitudes. In my experience, I don't even want to continue and engage with them because if you surround yourself with negativity, it will eventually start to rub off on you. Self-care is also choosing not to argue with people who are committed to misunderstanding you, which is exactly why sometimes I just stay quiet and let the other person think they have "won" the argument because, at the end of the day, you believe in what you want. People should know the difference between voicing their opinion and trying to change someone's opinion.

Lastly, being mean doesn't solve anything. As hate crimes have risen in the past couple of years, it is an effect of being mean to people. As a society, we honestly do not need any more hate or bullying or negative attitudes. I understand that some people aren't as friendly or outgoing, but it's simple — if you have an encounter with someone, just make sure to be nice and not put anybody down. Words hurt, too.

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