As a 20-something, I am at the pinnacle of change and self-discovery. I know the universe has plenty of lessons to teach me along my individual journey through life, but it's important to recognize and reflect upon what I have already learned so far.
The top 10 things I have learned as a 20-something:
1. I am not defined by the opinions of others (good or bad):
Learning to tune out the opinions of my peers has been the greatest gift I have ever given myself. Do not define yourself by what others think of you, no matter how good or bad their opinions are. Relying on others to give you a sense of your own worth is just as dangerous as allowing others to steal it from you with negativity. It's wonderful to hear kind affirmations from time to time and it's OK to let those comments sink in; however, never allow what anyone thinks of you to become your own identity. It's important to build your own solid foundation of self-love, self-appreciation, and self-worth.
2. I do not need to find a romantic partner to "complete me" because I am not half of a person.
Women are taught that we need a prince in shining armor to rescue us and provide us with a happily ever after. That's bullshit. Regardless of your gender, you don't need another human being to make you whole. You're a perfectly complete human all by yourself! Romance can be fun for some people; if it's something that you enjoy, you should certainly open yourself up to the prospect of romantic love; however, you should not define your worth or quality of life by whether or not you have a lover because it is highly possible to have a deeply fulfilling life as a single.
3. Failure is not a bad thing.
We are socially conditioned to never screw up, which is insane because mistakes are inevitable. I have learned to love failing because that's how I have learned the greatest lessons. Choose to view every failure as an opportunity to learn. Become grateful for failure. If we succeeded at everything we did in life, then we would be incredibly boring human beings.
4. Neither is change.
Life is constantly evolving and moving forward, which means things will never remain exactly how they are. This can be terrifying to some people (this certainly used to terrify me). We build homes in the comfort of security and consistency and when those homes are inevitably blown away as life propels us forward in new directions it is easy to feel out of control and lost. Embrace this feeling. Change brings growth. Even if it was possible to avoid change and keep everything exactly the same forever, then we would be utterly miserable and unable to ever reach our full potential in life.
5. My value is not determined by the size of my jeans.
Nor is it determined by my stretch marks, small breasts, crooked teeth, or any other aspect of my body that is socially deemed to make me unworthy. My body is beautiful because I say so. My body is sexy because I say so. My body was not created for consumption. I refuse to fall into the trap of diminishing my own self-worth due to my inability to reach unattainable standards. Loving yourself is the greatest form of protest against our society's screwed up standards of beauty.
6. It is not my job to fix human beings who feel broken.
Humans can not fix other humans. We can only fix ourselves. Trying to fix someone that you love will only cause tremendous damage both to you and the person that you're trying to fix. If you truly love someone and you want to help them overcome some kind of emotional infliction then your best bet is to support and empower them until they find the strength to fix themselves. Trying to fix your loved ones does not show them how much you love them, it only makes both of you feel like failures. If you find that you are sacrificing your mental health to support a loved one, taking space and loving them from afar is not selfish; in fact, practicing top notch self- care is the best thing that you can do for your loved one.
7. It is pointless to worry about things out of my control.
As someone who battles an anxiety disorder, this lesson took quite a while for me to learn and I am still learning. Worrying about things that you have no control over is a complete and utter waste of time and energy. As much as we would like to believe that our worrying can somehow control outcomes--it can't. Releasing yourself of carrying this burden enables you to start truly living.
8. You don't have to apologize for things that aren't your fault.
This lesson was tremendous for me. Many humans, women, in particular, feel an incessant need to harbor guilt over things that are simply not our fault. Learning that I do not owe anyone an apology for things outside of my control was remarkably liberating. I am no longer a willing punching bag for people to release their frustrations. Another person's mistake does not warrant my apology. Unforeseen circumstances which are out of my control do not warrant my guilt. If something negative that happens truly is my fault then all I owe you is one genuine apology and after that, I have no further obligation to feel guilty for my mistake.
9. Everyone makes mistakes.
Many people, myself included, have a tendency to believe their own flaws are greater than those of everyone else. This is simply not true. Every single human being on this planet is stitched together with countless imperfections. It's the combination of these flaws that make us beautiful. Grant yourself grace. Never strive for perfection because it's simply impossible.
10. It is not selfish to love yourself.
Women are systematically conditioned to hate ourselves from the time that we are born. If a woman, God forbid, actually manages to break this cycle of self-hatred by loving herself, then she is seen as arrogant and selfish. I've learned to protest this ingrained misogyny by practicing radical self-love. I think I am gorgeous. I think I am brilliant. I think I am strong. I think I am worthy and deserving of love. I choose to love myself unconditionally every single day in a world striving to put me at war with myself and for this, I am not arrogant or selfish, but rather a warrior.
