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What I Learned After Being Dumped

Heart break can be both a blessing and a lesson.

Mackenzie

Nov 13, 2018

Mississippi State University

124

By MiguelRPerez on Pixabay

Women in my life used to talk about "dating around" in which you would have a date each weekend with a different person. I used to roll my eyes and think to myself, "that just isn't how it works." And after having gone through not one, but three tumultuous relationships, I've finally understood why they say that. But it still just isn't how it works.

I was raised to believe that relationships mean something, by proxy, I'm a date to marry kind of girl (I'm one of the few that still keeps a hope chest). I don't attach my name to a cigarette daydream. As a youngin' I was a little more liberal with my willingness to start a relationship like this. Then I got my heart truly broken and it taught me a few things...well, it's still teaching me a few things.

1. I Finally Understand The Concept Of "Dating Around"

Singleness is something I never enjoyed until now. I'm much happier depending on myself for everything than I am depending on someone else. I don't have to say "I'll have to see what ____ has planned this weekend" before I agree to hanging out with friends. And dating around isn't about (*ahem*) throwing your kitty around, in fact, I do not condone that. It's about surveying your options of available bachelors before you finally find the one that gets it. By "it", I mean all of your expectations of a partner. It also means you can have a good time without the pressure of showing off. Dating around has allowed me to understand that I should just be myself, and not try to peacock and show off my best qualities. I'm gonna be me and if I'm not the kind of girl you're looking for, it's no skin off my nose.

2. Undefined Standards Are A Recipe For Heart Break

Do some soul searching, and figure out EXACTLY what you want. If you can't put that into words, then don't expect a potential partner to be able to meet that vaguely defined standard. Defining your standards means you're less likely to be heartbroken whenever someone fails to meet them. It's absolutely okay to be picky. Picky means Mr. Right is less relationships away than he would be if you accepted men that didn't exactly meet your standard, but you thought "eh, this is good enough." I read a quote one time that said "A girl should be like a butterfly. Pretty to see, hard to catch."

3. Relationship Entitlement Is The Plague Of The Young Dating World

Guys, agreement to the first date does not guarantee you a second one, nor does it mean that you are now the man in her life. It's like when you're looking for a snack (lol, you lookin' like a snack). When you open your pantry and survey the options in front of you, you are not going to be repulsed by everything else just because you found some jerky. You're going to look at and maybe pick up a couple different things before you commit to anything. There are different kinds of snacks that all have their own pros and cons; likewise, there are different kinds of people that all have their own pros and cons. So, guys, just because a girl agreed to a date does not mean she has committed herself to you entirely. Until you and her both clarify that you are beginning a serious relationship, you're just a slim-jim competing against a poptart. That doesn't mean there's a double standard either...y'all can date around too.

4. I Stopped Distrusting God

Whenever I want to share my anger, happiness, or sadness with someone, I have learned to pray about it and turn to God. I am finding comfort in reading the Bible and reading the posts from the Christian influenced Instagram account @embraceyoursingleness. I no longer put a wall up against my willingness to devote myself to reciprocating the love God has for me. In this way, it was a pleasure to have my heart broken. In a Facebook video I saw, Jentezen Franklin explains that you go through storms in life in order to receive a unique lesson about God's love, and this is what has given me comfort in my faith as opposed to anger.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

What I Learned After Being Dumped

Heart break can be both a blessing and a lesson.

1. I Finally Understand The Concept Of "Dating Around"

2. Undefined Standards Are A Recipe For Heart Break

3. Relationship Entitlement Is The Plague Of The Young Dating World

4. I Stopped Distrusting God

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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