Being Alone Trumps Being Underappreciated Every Time

Being Alone Trumps Being Underappreciated Every Time

Know your worth and don't stick around if you're not getting out what you put in with your S/O.

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Let's be honest, no one really wants to be alone. I don't care if you're the biggest player out there or love feeling free, there are always going to be nights you wish you weren't going to bed alone. Or, you could be that person who loves attachment and craves attention from anyone who is willing to give it to you. Whatever type of person you are, there is no excuse imaginable that would make being in an unhealthy relationship okay.

If your significant other does not quite literally kiss the ground you walk on, when you would cross the ocean for them, they aren't worth a second more of your time. You deserve better than someone who is barely doing the bare minimum for you. You deserve the love you're giving and there's no reason to settle for less.

Knowing you deserve more and not doing anything about it might be the most disrespectful thing you could do to yourself. Later, you're only going to regret wasting so much time being unhappy when you could have been taking that time to become independently happy.

Deciding to walk away from someone who you invested so much time and effort into is never easy, everyone understands that, but no one understands why you're holding yourself back when you're aware of that fact. It's going to be hard at first, but in the end, you know you did the right thing. Don't think of leaving as giving up, but that you exhausted every effort you had. If you've gone above and beyond for someone and they won't reciprocate even the slightest, even after verbalizing your feelings, there's nothing more that you can do. It's not your fault that you have to leave.

It's truly unhealthy for you to stay in a relationship that you only give to, but never get anything from. A relationship takes two and there's no way to compromise that. If your S/O isn't willing to do what you would do for them, it's already an unequal relationship. If their actions don't match their words, don't trust that they're going to be there. You should be able to count on your S/O, not hope they pull through for you this time.

Don't be afraid to move on. There are good ones out there, I promise.

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Marriage Is Great But It's Not The Best

Not even marriage could ever completely satisfy us.

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You know what I think is wonderful? Marriage. A lot of people will say marriage is hard. And it's true. It is hard, but it's also really lovely. Marriage in itself is one of the most beautiful, sacred pieces of life. A covenant that declares an everything-ness with one person, a sharing of truly everything- of schedule, of bed, of kisses, of laughs, of one another. When you say yes, you're literally saying, "Yes. I'd like to do everything with you, in all the places, all the time. Ready, go."

Sometimes I'll glance up at Nolan and just in awe that I'm allowed to do this. Like, I get to wake up and there he is, I can hug him anytime I want, I can bear all of my tears in front of him, I can tell him anything.

I just can't believe that I am allowed to let another know me so fully.

What a privilege to be known.

And once to be known, to be loved.

Ultimately, I think this is what everyone is longing for. Someone to truly know them. To be appreciated in their fullness and slowly unraveled from bookend to bookend. And then after everything is said and done, to have that someone look you in the eyes and say, 'Yes, you are exactly what I'm looking for.'

Even in the tightest, most open, most caring and forgiving marriage, or any relationship really, there will still be points of disappointment. There'll be moments of hurt and disbelief, moments of humility and perseverance. Moments when that person you share everything with, will let you down.

And this is why it isn't the best.

Marriage is the deepest union on earth, and yet even marriage cannot fulfill our deepest needs or satisfaction as human beings. There'll be moments when the gaps of our humanity will bear full sunlight and it will be clear that we as humans cannot 'complete each other.'

I remember in our second month of marriage, I was standing in our living room with big, plump tears rolling out of my eyes. Nolan had let me down. I can't even remember what he did, or maybe didn't do. The one thing I do remember, though, was the combination of my high expectations and his humanity, all resulting in a very vivid disappointment when he didn't meet them. I had placed Nolan on a pedestal, and in a way, was expecting more of him than he could offer. Nolan was never made for me. He was never made to complete me. This is not his destiny or his sole purpose. Nolan was made for something a lot bigger than me; he was made for Someone who could love him to full capacity, and so was I.

The only best, the only perfection, and the only hope that I or Nolan can fully know and rely on without any anticipation of disappointment, without separation, is with Jesus. A man that lived grace knew humanity to its worst degree, and yet still chose to bear a brutal death so that He could enter into a relationship with me. So that He could, in all of His knowledge, tell me, "Yes, you are exactly what I'm looking for." So that I could then give him every piece of myself, allowing Him to transform me. He is the best thing for us.


"But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you" Isaiah 43: 1-4

This, my friend, is the best relationship you could ever have.

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To The Friends Who’ve Lost Their Way

For any who has been through or is going through a "breakup" with their friend

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While I certainly hope none of you reading this have ever had to experience the hurt that comes with the absence of a friend once very prevalent in your life, I also realize it is unlikely such is not the case or will not be the case at some point in the future.

On that depressing note, let's begin.

Because friendships (yes, even great ones) can end for a variety of reasons it is firstly important to understand why yours did.

1. Do your best to understand what lead up to the “break up”

Some questions you can ask yourself to help you understand are:

Was it something you did? Was it something they did? Or was it maybe none of the above? Did you guys just grow apart perhaps?

Understanding why your close friend is no longer your close friend or maybe even a friend at all is key to starting the process of healing and eventually moving on from the relationship. It is important to know where things went wrong and why so you can either be sure to not make the same mistakes or recognize the warning signs in future friendships.

2. Acknowledge how much of the breakup is your fault (if any) and how much is their fault (if any).

In understanding where things went wrong, it is just as important to pick apart where the fault lies. While it may seem petty to dwell on such details, such details are actually exactly what must be thought on in order for forgiveness to begin to take place. Either you must ask for it or you must give it or maybe even both before closure rather than anger, resentment, frustration or sadness can be at forefront of your mind.

3. Most importantly, learn from the experience.

As heartbreaking as it might be, you can still take something good away from what seems like an irreparably damaged friendship. In addition to having all the good memories before things went sour you now also have emotional experience dealing with something much less than pleasant. Use whatever happened to not only grow as a person but to be a better friend or pick out better friends for you!

4. Keep in mind: Things get better with time

As cliche as it is, one day in the future you might even be capable of looking back on the relationship with nothing but fondness. Or hey! Maybe you'll decide to reach out to them again having healed with newfound experience under your belt. Chances are just like the test you won't remember being upset over failing in the sixth grade, you won't even remember what made things so bad with your friend.

Rather than dwelling on something that can't be reversed, use the experience to better yourself and the friends and people still around you! Even though friendship breakups can be some of the hardest out there to deal with, there will always be more friends to be had and second chances to be given (to both of you:)).

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