Like anyone else, sometimes I wake up and feel great about the day ahead and about myself. Then, there are those days that are tougher and consist of a lot of self-critical thoughts. I tend to be more critical on myself than anyone or anything else. I set high expectations, and sometimes they are unrealistic. Having goals is great but, when these goals are unrealistic and I can’t achieve them or it seems like the process is taking forever, the self-critical voice will pop up in my head.
Recently, I have been thinking more and more about how to silence this self-critical version of me. I think everyone has this voice in their head that comes out once in a while, some more than others. It is filled with negativity and sometimes anger.
Have you ever been unable to achieve something and think, “ugh, I’m so dumb!” or “I’m just not good enough.”
This is the voice I am talking about.
For some, this voice is a way to motivate you. However, this criticism is harsh and nonconstructive. I want to propose the idea of changing this way of thinking to becoming a more constructive voice that uses kinder language and is more goal oriented.
When you have a negative self thought, question why it is you are reacting in that way. For example, If you are studying for an exam with a friend and later find out you got an 80 while your friend got a 90, you may think, "I am so stupid. They are so much smarter than me." Instead of listening to this voice, turn that thought into a positive motivator. Think, "I know I tried my best, and I will do better than an 80 on the next exam."
Everyone has different things going on in their life and no one is the same, so why would you try to compare yourself to someone else? If two things are not exactly the same, a comparison of worth (self-worth) simply does not make any logical sense!
It may be hard to start and adapt a friendly self-compassionate voice over your harsh self-critical one but, understand that this will take time, patience and trial and error. Try a few different techniques. If talking to yourself doesn't seem to stick, try talking out loud in private or writing your thoughts down and rewriting more positive and goal oriented thoughts.
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”
-E.E Cummings
You are human! Changes don't happen over night or even in a weeks' time. Be kind to yourself, you're the only you you have.
