I know what you're thinking: how many times are you going to remind us you're single? If you've read my first two articles, this is no surprise to you. For everyone else: I'm chronically single and I'm here to talk about it. As repetitive as it is, being single is a narrative that far more people can relate to than people realize. I figured I'd give a shout out to my fellow single-pringles and breakdown the real experience of singledom.
Beyoncé - Love Droughtwww.youtube.com
When I say I've been single my whole life it's technically true (unless you count my two middle school "boyfriends" ). Ever seen Never Been Kissed? That's me, minus the adorable ending. I've never been on a date or in a serious relationship. All of these traits are things that society tell us are weird. When I tell people I've never had my first kiss, most people look at me a little different. I don't get outright shamed for it, but people definitely think it's weird. For a long time, I did too.
When every romcom I grew up watching showed 16-year-olds falling in love, I was confused when it never happened to me. And the funny thing is, out of my high school friend group, most of us are all in the same boat: SSB (single since birth). Even though I knew most of the people around me hadn't started dating, I still felt that everyone else was doing it and that there was something wrong with me if I didn't find someone a the ripe old age of 16.
Thankfully, I quickly grew out of that phase. Being single really says nothing about me. If you only look at my lack of romance you miss the far more important facts about me. I'm passionate, bold, caring, and willing to go the extra mile for those I love. Instead of obsessing over why I was single, I focused on what I could do to make myself happy. I threw myself into student council, band, rowing, and growing my friendships. By the time senior year rolled around, romance was far from my mind.
Of course, I'm only human.
There was the guy who led me on for months and the one who flaked on every plan. Of course, I don't blame any of these guys for what went down. We were never together and we were high school kids trying to make sense of the world. As frustrating as these situations were, I always told myself that it didn't affect me.
And then I got to college.
The best way to describe my love life this past year: stagnant. Sure, there were a few guys I thought were cute, but I never really pursued anything. All my friends would tell me to just talk to them but I found myself pushing back against the notion. I am not a shy person. I love talking to people so this change surprised me. Honestly, I was scared. Somehow, the same mindset 16 year old me had was creeping back in. This time around, my friends were finding romance while I sat on the sidelines. I felt like that same awkward kid again. Even though intimacy and romance was something I wanted, I held myself back because I was more scared of actually finding someone than I was of being rejected.
This is one of the side effects of being single for so long. I had become so self-sufficient, so independent that the notion of even remotely relying on someone emotionally terrified me. I had built walls without even realizing it. I will never be one to believe that romantic love is necessary for your happiness or success to be valid. Love comes in many forms, but I know myself. I know that I have so much love to give. When I was younger, I viewed romance as a dessert: indulgent and optional. But as I grow older, love feels less and less like a suggestion.
Like everything else in life, being single can be hard. I'm not going to lie and say I don't ever feel embarrassed about the longevity of my singlehood. Whenever I get upset about it, I remind myself to have some perspective: I'm only 19, I have my whole life ahead of me, and I have so many other things going for me.
If you're SSB like me, you may feel like just getting things "over with." Trust me, I've been there. Yet, I always tell myself to wait things out. If I've waited this long, why not wait for "the right person"? I'm one of those people who doesn't believe in coincidences: if something is meant for me, nothing can change that. So to all my single peeps, just take it one day at a time. There is nothing wrong with you, you aren't weird, and your feelings are 100% valid.
There are so many better things to do than obsess over than being single. Be nice to yourself and do something that makes you smile.
Keep it cute!
