Right now, right this second, as I sit staring at my blank computer screen, my mind and my heart are wracked with this bug that is itching for me to let it out. You see, I am an introvert. I get my energy internally, from solitude and reflection. I observe and reserve. I react with thought and internalized monologue. And while not all introverts are similar, I like to think that we all share some common ground otherwise, so why call ourselves introverts?

I opened my laptop, and I was ready. I had a clear idea of what I wanted to write about, but no words would come to me. My fingertips wouldn’t work with my keyboard, and I felt my connection slipping. I found myself overwhelmed with thought. Gunk was taking up my mind, and I didn’t know how to get rid of it. It was stopping me creatively and in almost every other aspect of my life. I was frustrated because of these thoughts that plagued me, and they've often plagued me before, and nobody knew why I was frustrated, and I couldn’t explain it to them even if I wanted to.

I was on the phone with my mom the other day and she asked me a question. When I responded, she told me that I was speaking with a nasty tone of voice, and of course, I argued with her and assured her that I wasn't upset and that I didn’t have any kind of attitude, but my mother knows me, and she wasn’t having it. We hung up and I sat there and replayed the conversation repeatedly in my head and my heart deflated a bit. I had hurt her feelings, and I hated to do that, but also because I was now adding another item to my lineup: another item to haunt me. I was hurting my own feelings in a constant loop.

So when I sat down to write my music shaming article, I almost expected to be attacked by the thoughts and battles of the "what ifs." They came pouring in and I was lost to the world of hypothetical pondering without ever even asking to partake in that internal conversation.

There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect. - Ronald Reagan

It was a storm of self-doubt, self-criticism, worldly issues, concerns about racism, questioning my role in the world, wondering if I was headed in the right direction, friendship woes, my relationship with God, homesickness, yearning, jealousy, anger, sadness, missing my best friend, worry, and desire. Every single one of those things whipping against my skull at the same time, invariably because I am not content with just thinking about things one time. I think about them constantly, and for an obscene amount of time, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the scum that is sometimes so debilitating that it manifests itself as physical ailments.

So, being the ever-exploring mind that I am, I decided to do something about it. Finally. It's one thing to understand something about yourself and another to actively try and better yourself. I discovered that I was letting my thoughts rule me instead of ruling my thoughts. For so long, I questioned my sanity. Why couldn’t I just make it stop? And why couldn’t I just get out of my head? Don’t get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with being inside your head… sometimes. I relish in my thoughts. To truly ponder something is enlightening, and soul searching can be extremely invigorating. But it's when those thoughts become overwhelming and negative that a problem arises. So, I dove in with both hands and feet and researched ways to calm the puissant introvert mind, and put the power back in my hands. For anyone who might be struggling with me, I feel obligated to share my findings.

The first and most important thing that I found during my excavation into the mind and soul is understanding. Understanding how you feel and what you think, and discovering where those things come from on a deeper level, is key. You need to realize that it's time to slow down and declutter. Acknowledging that you're caught in this harmful cycle is actually an immeasurable part of being able to stop. Dr. Arnie Kozak, a licensed psychologist and author of the “Awakened Introvert,” made a thought-provoking point in saying that, once you come to understand what your mind’s process is, you can stop it when it starts before you fall into the dark wormhole of thought. You might have to physically say out loud “Hey, you’re overthinking and burning yourself out. Breathe.”

Once you understand that your mind is stopping the thoughts on the spot, you need to stop. This sounds simple enough, right? I mean, if I could stop, I would have just done it already. What I’m saying is, you need to disengage with all the obtrusive blinking stimulus around you, and just connect with your thoughts on a deeper level, rather than letting them berate you and then come to a screeching halt.

Breathe. Inhale and exhale. Take deep, cleansing breaths to center yourself after you have acknowledged and stopped your overactive mind.

And then finally, make a choice. Choose not to think about those things. I know it's easier said than done, but it is so important that you establish in your mind that you will not torture yourself anymore, and turn your mind to a new, constructive and beneficial task. Whether it be writing a story or just thinking about something different, like a blessing that happened to you that day or something that you did that made you feel good about yourself.

Boredom, anger, sadness, or fear are not "yours," not personal. They are conditions of the human mind. They come and go. Nothing that comes and goes is you. - Eckhart Tolle

To finish things off, I’ll give you an example to put a face to these obscure discoveries.

Say you have a job interview. Your mind is reeling, and you’re conjuring up all the negative things that could possibly happen. You keep replaying those scenarios over and over again in your head, and it seems to be on an endless loop.

First, acknowledge that yes, you are nervous for the interview, and that's why your thoughts are going to this negative place. Acknowledge that you're torturing yourself with what ifs, and that doing so will not help anything. And then stop thinking about what could go wrong with your interview. Take some deep, cleansing breaths, and focus on the air going in and out of your body, circulating to your heart and brain and all the other organs, and then back to your lungs. Close your eyes if you need to. And once you feel more relaxed, make the decision to change your thoughts. Start thinking about the reasons why you applied to the job in the first place. Remind yourself that you are qualified and that you deserve this job.

So now that my bug has been let out and I have shared my predicament, I hope to leave you to ponder the mind. You can be your own worst enemy sometimes, and it's in your hands to reverse that. So I'll leave you with one final quote and a virtual hug.

Change your thoughts and you change your world. - Norman Vincent Peale