I’m known for my understanding, empathetic writing style. A lot of my articles thus far have been real nicey-advicey and of lengthy word counts, which I realize doesn’t appeal to everyone. With that, prepare for an upfront smack down of advice, because I’m about to potentially rip your current reality apart. Really, you better be going into this ready to fly, since nobody is here to hold your hand. Not in this article. If you want gentle, extensive guidance, this is your article. If you’re ready to change right now, here are some of the truths nobody is telling you because our social culture is largely composed of this shit— other folks’ whole beings would reveal themselves as utter lies if they dared to even think about this advice. I know it’s true for me to a degree, as it probably is for you too. So before we even come close to being consumed by the hype, let’s kill it right now.

1. DEMAND THE RESPECT YOU DESERVE FROM YOUR FRIENDS.

I’m talking about when they make a joke in front of you that you think is inappropriate. Discuss that with them. I’m talking about when they offend a part of your identity, when they stereotype you, when they’re late and you brush it off because they’re your friends, when they cross some line with you. When their words and actions don’t feel friendly. Don’t allow yourself to be stepped on. If you’ve never done that before with them and it’ll be your first time standing up to their shit, they might get a little mad, since you’ve allowed them to push you that far. If that’s the case, don’t let down. You have to tell them something to the effect of, You’ve been making me feel terrible for a long, long time. Maybe it took me a while to recognize that but I’m telling you now and if you don’t value me enough to try treating me better don’t expect me to hang around and pay you favors. Something like that. And if they don’t change, I suggest you don’t stick around, because not only are they not your friends, but they aren’t mature enoughto be your friends. You’ll have the upper hand in this way. If you realize they’ve been using you as a crutch, they’ll be crushed to learn that being an asshole doesn’t fly. If it goes that far, it’ll initially suck to not have them around, but there are so many kind people on this earth who you’ll find if you treat folks the way you want to be treated.

2. STOP TRYING TO BE AN INTIMIDATING PUNK AND LET YOUR GUARD DOWN MORE.

This one won’t apply to all of you, but some of you, oh my God. Taking yourself too seriously is not only a lot of work but also a fruitless endeavor that only forms fake bonds and drinking habits you teach yourself to think are all apart of your “dark” character. I’d say a solid ninety percent of the time this is a young person thing— young as in, mid to late twenties, hopefully done by early thirties at latest. The furthest evolution of this character is that guy you see at the party who’s obviously way older and keeps pulling the clever, very likely reused one-ups in conversation. Don’t be like that guy. React honestly to your world— laugh when you want to laugh, make a silly comment when you want to, point out when something is fucked up, keep an open-minded spirit and don’t feign some identity that you and I both know is far more founded in your insecurities than your clever, witty truths.

And finally,

3. CLEAN YOUR DISGUSTING FRIDGE.

Maybe not based on societal flaws, but I think we can all relate here. It’s a personal problem that you’re likely putting off right now. Looking for a sign? Here it is. That’s where you’re storing your food, dude. Please clean that yellow stain. I know it’s sticky and I know you’ve been storing shit around its edges for a month now, but oh my god. That’s simply not gonna clean itself. I’m talking the whole, take-everything-out-and-give-it-a-thorough-scrub-down kind of clean. Make your fridge the exemplary fridge of your friends and all who come into your home. Be proud to open that shit. I want you to look in there and think, ‘Hell yeah, my food isn’t being contaminated by the unknown residues of past mistakes.’ That’s the goal. You have no idea how badly I want to be proud of you. How badly you want to be proud of you. So please, mark your calendar (bonus points if you do it every month) with a day that you’re gonna definitively make your currently pathetic fridge spotless.

It’s all simple enough advice, but your willingness to apply yourself is what makes and breaks it. With that, I wish you a strong enough heart and mind to properly dedicate yourself to your own wellness.