You know that feeling you get when you find out something about yourself? The feeling you get when you're excited about school as a kid, the feeling you get when you figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life.
It's the single best feeling to experience. Whether you like or dislike it, you know you were made to feel that way.
Lately, I haven't had that feeling enough.
There are so many feelings I wish I had, but I just don't.
I guess that's why I want to write; it forces me to think about everything in my life. See, I have a disease. It’s called Last-One-To-The-Party Syndrome. Although self-diagnosed, it has been slowly killing me all of my life.
Symptoms include:
- Having emotions 100x later than the average human
- Inability to make choices immediately
- Pushing off things that are difficult to confront
- Being unaware of good things, as well as bad things
- Difficulty forming a personal moral compass
For clarification, I am not mentally slower than the next guy, and can feel emotions fully; just later than most.
I'm aware this article is very scattered so far; there are just a lot of things that you need to understand about me before I get to the important part. The reason I tell you, the reader, about this horrendous disease is this: I had a feeling. It was on time. It was in sync with my other friends’ feelings. I was more than okay with having this feeling, because I was afraid I wasn’t going to have it.
I spent all night filming a short film with a few friends of mine, and I felt like I wanted to do it for the rest of my life. I want to create stories and share them. I needed to have this feeling, because there is nothing more stupid than going to college for theater. With a 99.9 percent chance of failure, I needed to know that I’d be willing to do this for the rest of my life, no matter what. I don’t know what I would’ve done without this feeling, and I hope despite whatever the future holds, I don’t feel differently anytime soon.