We’ve officially stumbled upon the holiday season, and there are mixed emotions in the air as the lights begin to go up. This season always brings different levels of emotion out of people—some are ecstatic, while others experience feelings of sadness or loss during this time. Reuniting with family members may be exciting or may stir up disappointments—and the thing is, you won’t know which to expect, or how to deal with that, until you’re standing in a room with loved ones again and the air is shifting.
Have you ever gotten together with your family and heard something that winded your internal clock back? Suddenly, you’re 14 years old again and bickering with your siblings, or frustrated with your parents, or fighting the impulse to slam your bedroom door and hide from everything and everyone for the rest of the night. Have you ever listened in on dinner-table conversation and suddenly thought “I’ll never measure up to this?” Maybe you have. Maybe not. Sometimes being around our loved ones take us back to places of past hurt or vulnerability, and the holidays are a time where this is magnified for those returning home after a year of change, or loss, or growth.
Experiencing anxiety or stress during the holidays is not uncommon. For those who are grieving, or recovering, or far away from home this season, here is what I’ll tell you—
Stick to your routine.
Drastic changes to your routine can cause additional stress or anxiety, so try to hold constant as much as you can. Go to the gym at your usual time. Keep to your normal diet, whatever that may be. Don’t abandon your bedtime.
Moderation is key.
It’s easy to overindulge when we feel stressed or anxious, and the holidays especially play on our weakness by generating some of the best food and drinks of the year. However, think moderation. Remember that the food or alcohol won’t change the circumstances (they never do). Enjoy your holiday parties. Don’t use them to beat the “holiday blues”, even temporarily.
Go easy on yourself, and others.
Forgive yourself for not being in the holly jolliest of moods this season. Don’t expect perfection. Understand that every person, every family, and every holiday has its own quirks—and that’s okay. Take your time in learning to love these things, but until you can, try lowering the bar a little bit. Relief will come when you don’t expect things or people to operate smoothly this season—including yourself!
Stay connected.
If you should find yourself miles away from your loves ones this season, be strong. Stay connected. Allow them to keep you grounded. Ask for support when you need it. Spend an hour—or three—on the phone. Don’t fall victim to your circumstance. Isolating yourself this season may seem like the easiest way out, but try to refrain, it won’t make things better. Talk it out. Call first. Call back.
Go easy on the guilt.
Don’t feel guilty for your own actions. Don’t over-analyze your interactions with others. Don’t apologize for the people that no longer hold a place in your life this season. Stand by your word. Stand by your family. Stand by your culture. Stand by your right to celebrate, or to not, and don’t feel bad for it. This season is colored in different ways for everyone. Don’t let anyone, or anything, guilt you into idealism. It doesn’t exist.
Don’t be alone, if you don’t want to be.
If you should find yourself alone this season and don’t want to be—you don’t need to be. Volunteer. Visit. Spend time in a soup kitchen, or children’s hospital, or nursing home. Offer conversation to someone who may not have had any for a while—I promise, they’ll appreciate it. Good company can be found in many places, if you’d like to look for it.
Make today matter more than any other day.
There’s something about this season, and about being with our loved ones that has the power to turn us into who we were instead of who we are. If you find your childhood habits or frustration rising, try walking away for a minute. Take a breath. Think progress. Think of who you are now. Remember that as people change, so do their roles in the family or within a group of friends. Reach out to someone who’s stood by you in the midst of your growth, they’ll help ground you.
Ask for help.
Some people make a habit of chewing off more than they can swallow during the holidays. Whether it is cooking, cleaning, shopping, decorating, or any of the other hundred things to do this season—don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it! Forgetting that you aren’t superhuman is dangerous. Let people help you. This help can come as simply as accompanying you on a shopping trip, or as extravagantly as taking over cooking dinner for you. Know your limits, and respect them. And if you need something, or someone, ASK!
Be kind to yourself.
Although this is a year-long mantra, the holidays are a good time to abide by this. The entire season is dedicated to kindness and generosity and giving and in light of that, it can be easy to forget to give to yourself and treat yourself well during this season also. Don’t put your mental or physical health in the backseat in light of giving your time and kindness to others. Find balance, not sacrifice.
Remember that the holidays come around once a year, and only for a few weeks. Shortly after, they’re over and we’re once again in the spirit of reinventing ourselves in light of the new year. The holiday season, like all things, will pass. The stress or anxiety or grief, will also pass. Find patience. And with these reminders, I hope you’ll find a little bit of peace, also.
