I have to be honest, when I arrived at my school, Holy Cross in the fall of 2014, I was relieved when I noticed there was no Greek life. Of course I realized that on my visits; but as a senior in high school I did not truly process it until I was living here. A lot of the schools I looked at--University of Richmond, Bucknell, Dickinson, Lafayette--emphasize that joining a sorority would help me get involved, make friends etc. When I visited these schools, I knew I didn’t fit. Moreover, I didn’t notice the absence of sororities or fraternities; rather, I noticed how nice and welcoming everyone was and the the general vibe of the school. Alas, I found myself at Holy Cross.

Later during my freshman year, I was running at a track meet at Auburn University, which may as well be called “Greek Life, USA.” The fraternity houses were 8,000 square feet brick mansions with rows of Range Rovers and Audis parked in front, impeccable landscaping and of course, shirtless frat brothers tossing a frisbee with one hand and holding a beer in another. It was straight out of a Seventeen magazine for the quintessential southern experience. When I saw the girls at Auburn University, my jaw dropped. Every single girl was tan, skinny, beautiful hair, perfect makeup and outfits that belong on my Pinterest board. One of my friends actually remarked--and she meant this in the best way possible--that a Holy Cross 8 is and Auburn 6. Everyone was on a different level of put together. It was like walking into Elle Wood’s Delta Nu dream. I have to admit their lifestyle is fixating, captivating almost.

For about twenty minutes I was convinced I should transfer (this might have more to do with the New England weather than it did the beautiful people or landscaping at Auburn). But then I realized the biggest crucial difference between me and these sorority sisters at Auburn (besides the obvious): I am so glad Holy Cross does not have Greek life.

Greek life does not exist in my life beyond my Facebook news feed. I do not mean that I am not involved in Greek life or that it is a marginalized aspect of Holy Cross; I mean that there is no Greek life at all. We have sports teams that act as somewhat impromptu sororities and fraternities, but the lifestyle at Holy Cross is simply not conducive to what Greek life has to offer.

Every year I see countless articles on why sororities are the best things ever and why someone’s big is actually their bestfriend/mother/mentor/older sister/fairy godmother. I value the benefits of sororities and fraternities: their charitable and philanthropic work is admirable; having a group of people to rely on during the biggest change of your life alleviates much of the burden. But when I read these articles and I see a sorority sister say “who wouldn’t want an instant family?” I just have to laugh. I don’t want an instant family. I don’t want people I’ve known for a week during a time I’m trying to impress them to say they’re my “forever sisters.” I don’t want to stress during rush over finding my perfect “forever family.” I don’t want to worry about picking the “cool” sorority or not--this isn’t high school. I want to forge my relationships organically and genuinely. I want my closest friendships to be based off mutual interests, things we do together by choice. I want to go to what parties I want to go to and not worry if they’re the “right” ones for my sorority.

A lot of my friends at other schools seem to love their sororities. But even they admit the issues. Greek life wastes time. One of my friends in a sorority at a Pennsylvania college dedicates around the same amount of time per week as a Division 1 athlete dedicates to their sport. Some of that is philanthropic and a great way to get involved. But how much of if it is just silly t shirt making or finding dates for formals?

It seems that Greek life can be all consuming in more ways than just your time: it’s an attitude. Scrolling through Facebook, I see people who have changed their profile picture to advertise rushing this sorority, guys holding their letters, and more girls with pictures of their littles. Rush week dominates snapchat. And Instagram. As someone who is completely removed from the system, I don’t care about Gamma Gamma Kappa. I’m not following Gamma Gamma Kappa on Instagram. I am following a person who is hiding behind a hand sign and possibly wearing eleven articles of makeup. On one hand, I’m really happy my old high school pals have flourished in their new environments; in others, I’m just sad they have to live that way.

College, to me, is synonymous with independence. But how can you gain that if you’re afraid of embarrassing the sorority? I cannot imagine waking up in the morning and have to worry about specific beauty rules and making it to class on time (which, by the way, your sisters might not care about http://www.xovain.com/news/sorority-beauty-rules)

I guess the reason sororities should care about what their pledges look like because that’s what their reputation depends on. And what is Greek life if not for reputation and social status? The common thread I hear from sorority sisters is that it’s great to have a place, but if your chapter isn’t “cool,” you’ll basically be shunned. Why do we work so hard to eradicate hazing and bullying only to glorify systems that depend on putting popularity and social status on a pedestal? At what point do we stop caring about social standing? Among children, we as a society would never allow this kind of pervasive social ranking, but suddenly, kids graduate from high school and we allow them to go to college where the school sanctions groups of haves and have nots. I went to college to outgrow high school notions of social hierarchy, not just to have official letters supporting them.

Of course, not all sororities (or fraternities) are like this. Many find their closest friends in sororities and have an easy way to get involved. But even from friends who had the most positive experiences in Greek life admit that it can be a terrible process. You may not get into the right chapter; you may end up not liking anyone in your chapter; you may feel like it’s forced friendship; you may realize that you do not want to represent a sorority everywhere you go; or you may not want to go through the horrific hazing rituals. At some point, you may have to say, “enough is enough and I have too much self respect.” Hazing runs rampant in the most disturbing forms (of course this is not true for all Greek life chapters): tales of pledges (both male and female) being judged; girls having the “jiggly” parts of their body circled; forcing pledges to hold hot hookah coals; and of course, forcing pledges to drink (for a more comprehensive list of perverted hazing rituals http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/advice/g3457...). The website, Total Frat Move, defends hazing as it “builds tradition” and “turns boys into men.” I’m sorry, but no man makes someone else swallow a goldfish whole, choose cocaine or a dildo, or exercise in urine (http://totalfratmove.com/why-we-haze/).

I know some people love their fraternities and sororities and have had nothing but positive experiences. Just as they love their sorority, I believe I am entitled to love being unaffiliated at a place where affiliation isn’t even an option. While we certainly have cliques, the system isn’t rigid. I am so grateful none of my friends had bad experiences with Greek life and I really hope that continues to stay the case. Maybe some of the negative aspects of Greek life are just urban legends. Maybe it isn’t my place to pass judgements. Maybe it’s just me: I don’t belong in a sorority because I don’t like picking out dresses for formals, I don’t wear glitter or bows in my hair, I could never do Greek sing; I couldn’t buy a little an adorable gift because I’m not good at cute things; I don’t like Lilly Pullitzer. I belong right where I’m at: on a team where we bond over chafing with pints of Ben and Jerry’s and wear sports bras way more than actual bras. Which maybe, at the end of the day, we’re just a different kind of sisterhood.