Just The Tips: Time For Intimacy

Just The Tips: Time For Intimacy

When's the right time to take the next step? Read this article to find out!

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Welcome back to Just the Tips, where college experts Angie and Cass answer your questions about love, relationships, and more. This week, we were asked about intimacy and sex, and we have answers for you!

1. What is a good way to show intimacy without sex?

Angie: Non-sexual intimacy, to me, starts when it's just you and your partner. But there are tons of types of intimacy — cuddling has an entirely different vibe to, say, crying. I think to have an intimate moment, you have to trust your partner completely, and enjoy being close to them. That's why cuddling is my go-to — it's a lovely way to be physically close and enjoy your partner's presence and body in a way that isn't sexual. A different way to show intimacy is to open up to your partner about something that you may not reveal to others. Sharing insecurities, worries, and other things that are tough to talk about can be extremely intimate, and it's a great way to show your partner that you trust them. Plus, when you're done, your partner will know a little more about you (or you about them) and that will often bring you even closer.

Cass: Intimacy is defined as closeness to another person, familiarity if you will. By that definition, intimacy is not about just sex and it shouldn't be. You can show intimacy through a variety of ways. Like Angie mentioned, cuddling is a good way to show physical intimacy without sex. Personally, I find the most intimate moments when I'm talking with someone about things they've been thinking about and just having that space as a way for them to process and work through what they're thinking about. Also just sharing a space with someone, sitting quietly and doing your own thing, can be intimate if you're enjoying your time with the other person. That also adds a new level to the relationship because it shows you can enjoy each other's time without necessarily needing to interact with each other, you can just exist together and be okay with that simplicity.

2. When, in your opinion, is it a good time to have sex in a relationship?

A: The easiest answer is when you're ready. But how do you know when you and your partner are on the same page? As always, communication is key to have a healthy relationship, so you have to find a way to make sure your partner is comfortable with the same activities as you. One way to figure out where they're at is to have a simple conversation: you can ask about their sexual history to find out if they move fast or slow (and this is a great way to make sure you're having safe sex — your partner's sexual history is important for your own sexual health!), and get an idea about pacing from there. You can also just straight up ask them if sex is something they're interested in doing. Or, if you find yourself in a particularly steamy moment, ask if it's okay to go a step further, and act on your partner's response.

The most important thing is to make sure you're both ready. If either of you seems unsure or hesitates, stop the encounter and either wait until you're sure or have a conversation about what you and your partner are comfortable with.

C: Once you talk to your partner! For some people, the idea of sex isn't the most present thing on their mind in a relationship, but that doesn't mean that it's something they are opposed to. Some people just really don't think about it, so your partner might not mention it unless they think you are also ready to have sex. You also need to feel comfortable with the idea of having sex and making sure you're doing it for yourself rather than for someone else. Also, you don't have to go all in all at once, you can test different boundaries and get comfortable with a person before doing the deed. Basically, just get consent from all parties and make sure that you're actually enjoying yourself.

Do you have a burning question about your relationship? Are you looking for advice for yourself or a friend? We're always taking questions — follow this link to tell us what you want to hear about next!

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I Asked 40 People To Anonymously Describe Their Ideal Significant Other, Here's What They Described

We are all looking for that one person.

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We are all looking for that one person to spend our life with. For me, I just want someone who is kind hearted, will have my back, and is willing to try new things with me. To get an idea of just how similar and different peoples preferences are I asked 40 people to describe their ideal significant other. The results ranged from what they were looking for in personality to their significant others ideal looks to lifestyle preferences.

Check out the compilation of results below:

19-year-old female

Tall, blue eyes, freckles, athletic but musical and artistic.

74-year-old female

Someone trustworthy, honest, and dependable. Who knows and accepts you as you are with all your faults and shortcomings but still appreciates the strengths you bring to the relationship without trying to change you.

19-year-old male

Someone who will care about me as much as I care about them and will go out of their way to support me. And I could do the same for them.

23-year-old female

Someone who cares for me and loves me more than anything else in this world. Someone who would make sacrifices for me since I know I would do the same thing for them.

25-year-old male

Smart, attractive. Funny, quick-witted. Independent. Up to date on current topics. Lovable. Active. A leader. Big old titties.

20-year-old trans-man

Someone I can be myself around and can trust not to turn away for being too weird.

19-year-old female

My ideal significant other would be a man that is caring, intelligent, tall, and most importantly family oriented. If he's handsome that would be a plus but honesty looks isn't everything's so someone who I can talk to easily isn't goofy at times and I think that's all.

20-year-old female

Tall (but not too tall), funny, kind, smart. Knows exactly how to make me feel loved and important. The type to wrap his arms around me when he knows I'm sad. Isn't afraid to argue with me when he knows he is right.

17-year-old female

Funny, stubborn and emotional but also very loveable and amazing to be with; also, best cuddler ever.

19-year-old Two Spirit

Another Native American person with similar experiences in the world as me (or the ability to empathize), someone who shows they care about other peoples feelings & humanity, someone intelligent, witty, humorous.

19-year-old male

My ideal significant other is a tall girl but shorter than me, with blue eyes. She will put in as much effort as me in the relationship and love me.

15-year-old female

Imaginary.

19-year-old female

My ideal significant other is someone who makes me laugh. He can appreciate the things I love and visa-versa. Also, someone who can bring me back down to earth when I get emotional and let me know that everything is ok.

20-year-old male

Someone who is willing to love me for who I am. Won't make me compromise on what I care about the most. A person willing to give me some freedom at times, but also willing to spend a lot of time with me. I want someone who will be there to celebrate with me when I accomplish things in my life. I want to be with someone that I feel like my life is set with.

 20-year-old female

There are a few things that I consider ideal regarding a significant other. But, two of the most important things to me are trust and reliability. Some other things that are ideal is a similar sense of humor, and physical attractiveness and compatibility.

19-year-old female

My best friend, someone who doesn't think that all of me is "too much". Someone that doesn't need to do anything in particular but just enjoys the time shared together.

13-year-old female

A boy with brown hair, blue green eyes. He understands me and won't try to hurt me. very funny, nice, has a great personality.

50-year-old male

Your mom.

18-year-old male

My ideal significant other is outgoing, loves to travel, and doesn't care about their own personal experience. They also don't put up a fake persona to impress others.

18-year-old female

Emo af. Also loves animals because they're cute. And is nice because mean humans aren't good.

41-year-old female

My ideal significant other is funny, kind, patient, likes some of the same things I do, wants to spend time with me, my partner in crime, communicates and is loyal and honest! Has manners and treats me with respect, someone I can see myself growing old with and living life together!

20-year-old female

Someone who is kind, intelligent and communicative. He or she has goals they're working towards and is willing to support me in working towards mine.

18-year-old male

A woman. Tall, darker complexion. Someone who is unafraid to be herself, to stand up for what she believes in, and to be sincere. Someone who is passionate and loving, but independent and focused on her own dreams, ambitions, and goals.

27-year-old female

My ideal significant other would be willing to go away for a weekend on a moments notice. They would be willing to help out with small tasks and have the patience of gold. They would also be respectful of me and I of them.

19-year-old fale

Hippy vibes, kind, funny, and attractive qualities.

19-year-old female

Kind, funny, will show me new music, has goals, wants to meet my family and friends and will let me meet theirs, loves animals (especially dogs), stands up for human rights.

20-year-old female

Someone who loves every part of you, even the bad ones. Someone who remembers even the littlest of things. Someone who makes me smile and laugh. Above all else, someone who makes me feel beautiful even when I don't always see it myself. Someone who I can grow with.

68-year-old male

She would be female with a beautiful attitude, loving and kind heart. A good sense of humor is important, and necessary for a relationship to last. A person with strong family ties and even stronger morales is needed. A Christian with a unwavering love for God. Physically appealing both to look at and sexually desirable.

19-year-ago female

Taller than me, loving, and MUST be funny. Supportive of me in every way and must have a killer smile.

18-year-old male

A best friend, a lover someone who will be there for you whenever and however you need.

65-year-old female

He is a Godly man, full of faith, patient with me almost all the time, gentle spirited, kind, loving, funny, full of life, caring, loves to play jokes on people and laughs at himself, hard worker, good provider, has the heart of a king, and courage of a lion, slow to speak, snazzy dresser, playful, snores like a freight train, loves to read, prayer warrior, willing to help others, considerate, full of life, loves the Lord with all his heart, he is my knight in shining armor, he is my everything.

20-year-old female

Tall.

25-year-old male

Someone who is kinda and sweet. Up to try new things and always exciting.

19-year-old female

Taller than me, good sense of humor, can handle me at my worst and my best, likes to try new things but is also okay with just staying in for the night, not focused on sex, smart (enough), loves music, somewhat fit, puts effort into the relationship.

20-year-old female 

A man, not a boy. What I mean by that is someone who is selfless, he knows what he wants and he's going to fight to get it, he's not the "oh a light bulb is out time to throw out the whole house" he fixes his issues.. someone easy to talk to about issues in your relationship and sees the error in ways on either party. Someone who always makes time for you, not someone you have to fight for time.

73-year-old female

He hast to be tall, handsome, a gentleman, loves God, trustworthy, a good worker, and a good provider.

19-year-old female

My ideal significant other chooses to love me. Always considering me in any decisions he makes; big and small. My ideal doesn't focus on making the present luxurious but saves for a magical future. My ideal doesn't look me in the eyes and lie but looks at me and reminds me I'm beautiful. Anything less... isn't worth my time.

20-year-old female

Thoughtful, loving, funny, thinks I'm funny, likes cats, enjoys getting good food, similar movie tastes.

22-year-old female

Someone I can be myself around and can trust not to turn away for being too weird

20-year-old male

... I love working, and my SO needs to be able to not just make time for me but my make time for my work. Ideally, he won't feel like he has to spend money on things for them to be nice. Ideally, my SO loves to just kick back and be a guy... I cook, he does the dishes... Ideally, I do the laundry, he makes the bed, and we both fold the clothes. Ideally, we both work from home because I'm most productive when I know he's right there and has my back.

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It's 2019 And It's Okay For Girls To Be Assertive

Put yourself out there with everything that you've got, because it's 2019 and we are living life unapologetically, ladies!

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It is that time of the year my friend. Formal season. Also known as the time to frantically search through all of your mutual friends in hopes of finding someone that you would want to ask to go as your date.

Let me tell you. It's hard!! This event is a month away yet all of my friends have been on the prowl already. But this isn't important. My point here is, I am in need of a date. And I want to let you know right now that it is 2019 and I think that it's completely okay for girls to be assertive and put themselves out there when it comes to finding someone!

Maybe I'm just preaching to the choir here. But I really think that we should leave those preconceived notions in the past. Things are different now. There are platforms like Tinder and Bumble that encourage women to make the first move! You don't have to have your mom call their mom and arrange a date anymore. Women have more freedom now than ever before.

Stigmas are just holding us back! Is there someone that you have a crush on? Message that person! Approach them! Tell them! The worst they can do is say no. Life is so much easier when you are straight-forward and unapologetic with how you feel. Let's practice being transparent. Wear your heart on your sleeve. No one will chastise you for it. If anything, I think that people will respect the courage it takes to put yourself out there and give it everything that you've got.

Before I get off of my soapbox, here is my final bit of wisdom. The only person who deserves you is yourself. Your value is not based on the opinion of others. With that being said, put yourself out there with everything that you've got because it's 2019 and we are living life unapologetically, ladies!

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