As I stood on a whole new court, that would soon become my home, I knew that this was going to change my life and I have never been more ready. After coming off such a rough season, I was willing to give it all away just to prove myself. Now here’s the thing: you can’t go through life with a weight on your shoulder trying to prove yourself. What I now know is once you prove it to yourself, you’ve conquered half the journey. You just have to believe.
I’ve spent my whole life going overlooked. I grew up to be accustomed to that feeling and I never had a problem with it. As a kid I never had self-confidence or heart because no coach ever saw me for what I was worth. I began to lower my expectations for myself until one coach found my spark. When I was in 7th grade I had a coach who taught me the fundamentals of volleyball but it was my 8th grade coach who taught me something more important than skill. She found my spark and I finally felt as if I belonged. I remember that season, that team, and the exact moment I started to believe in myself. It was our first game of the season and I made my way into the starting line-up for probably the first time in my life. I remember getting on a good serving streak and my teammate’s family started chanting my name from the stands. That teammate looked back at me, smiled and said “that’s all for you.” I’ve grown up with that girl but that was the first time we really connected. Since then we’ve grown really close to each other and I still have the team picture we took after that game hanging in my room. If that team has taught me anything about myself, it’s you just have to believe.
I went into my freshman year with a lot of confidence. Yes, I did second guess myself sometimes and I definitely got pushed down here and there. None of that mattered because for the first time I knew I had an entire program who believed in me. I remember feeling unstoppable although everyone thought of me as the quiet girl. After a great season the one thing I never expected happened. Club season came around and I wasn’t feeling the spark. Yes, I made a good team, was on the starting line-up, enjoyed playing with the girls, and they believed in me. At the time I didn’t know what was off and it took a lot of thinking to find the problem. I knew it would come back, I just had to believe.
My sophomore season was here and I didn’t have the same spark. Physically I had a lot more skills and played to higher level but mentally something was missing. This was a rough season and I blame no one but myself. Everyone still believed in me, they all supported me, and they loved having me as a teammate. I was the problem, I didn’t believe in myself. Something happened and my spark was starting to die. Half way through the season I did find the problem and I made the decision that would change my life. It was time for a new club. I had no idea what would happen but it was out of my control, I just had to believe.
There I was stepping onto a whole new court for the first time. I knew I made the right choice and my spark was coming back. I knew no one but they accepted me like I was one of them because I was now. I was doing what I loved with a spark shining brighter than the one I had in 8th grade. I don’t know why but it was a totally new atmosphere. I was surrounded by players who shared my passion and coaches who cared about all of us as players and individuals. There I was stronger than ever and I just had to believe.
My old club use to be the best thing in my life and I never saw myself leaving. They were holding me back and I had no idea. I had coaches who I thought cared a lot about me but something was missing. I still don’t know what it was but I know that my new club filled the gap. I knew things would turn around for me because I knew what was best for me. Here I am playing on an even better team, happier than ever, and have the most support I’ve ever had. In the back of my mind I always knew things would work out and I just had to believe.
On my volleyball shoes I have written “Mark 9:23” meaning "anything is possible for the one who believes." The quote is a constant reminder of why I’m here. Without believing in my heart I would've never been able to make any change. Here I am now, telling you to just believe. I’m on a long journey and I’ll never stop believing. I grow stronger everyday and I want it more everyday. Here I am as a whole new person and I just had to believe.
