Throughout the world bullying is one of the most controversial topics in today's society. We hear both perspectives on being bullied vs why a bully commits the act of bullying. Although people are probably tired of hearing the accounts of victims, I'm still going to share mine. However, I am not sharing mine to have you indulge me in a self pity party, but too understand how extreme bullying has come about. Although it is difficult to admit you've been bullied and I don't even know where to start, here are my stories...
In A Relationship:
When getting into a relationship you're suppose to expand your feelings for one another, but not the feelings of hate. It was my first "relationship." I was a freshman in high school and he was a senior. Throughout the time we spent together he got meaner and meaner. I convinced myself it wasn't happening because I was head over heels for him. To this day I don't know why I liked him so much; considering on Christmas he told me to kill myself or the fact that he was talking to two other girls the whole time. He destroyed me from the inside out. To this day, it's hard for me to find connections with boys and to let them in as a result of him. It's hard for me to even want to get into a relationship. I don't know if I'll ever be able to either.
In School:
Throughout high school, many people developed unjust opinions about me based solely on who I was in middle school and during freshman year. I will admit that I was depressed during freshman year because of the relationship I was in, and I will admit I was rude and started a lot of drama that same year. Nonetheless, as high school went on I grew up and dropped the drama, unfortunately nobody seemed to care.
Junior year was when everything became worse. I was surrounding myself with the wrong crowd and even gave up on my friendship with someone I had been best friends with since seventh grade. It all began when I lost my virginity to a guy I had no feelings for. In fact, I would hardly have considered him a friend. I just wanted to feel something with a guy for the fist time since ninth grade. We agreed to keep it between us, because I was so ashamed of myself and to this day it is one of my biggest regrets in my life. As if that wasn't enough ,he told one of his best friends what happened between us and in turn that friend told everyone. As time passed, he eventually denied it saying it never happened. In the midst of everything there was an app called "StreetChat" which allowed you to make memes of other people and post them on your schools board. I was on it a lot. Many were about me losing my virginity, or called me a fat, ugly animal, but that wasn't the extent. There were 13 posts about me and I remember every single one vividly. It was at that point I turned to self-harm. I was so depressed and I hated myself more than I ever had before. I was soon reported to my schools "C.A.R.E.S" program and they called my parents. I remember finally opening up to an adult about everything and as painful as it was to watch my mom cry it felt good to get it out into the open.
My mom wrote a book few months prior to these events titled "Live Your Life" and as I read it, I came to a self realization. There are thousands of people who get bullied everyday, sometimes we just have to put on a brave face and lift our chins high. I learned that just because someone told me to kill myself, doesn't mean I should or just because someone calls me fat, ugly, or stupid, it doesn't mean anything. They are just words and they don't make me who I am.
Senior year hit and with all that in mind I decided to turn my perspective around I wanted to change myself into a positive person opposed the negative person I was before. I wanted to love more and hate less.
So why did I just tell you my story?
Life is about learning. It's about taking the high road and learning to love yourself. People are mean and there will never be a day where there won't be someone who doesn't like you.
Despite boy problems and mean kids in high school I made it out alive and happy. I chose to be happy because happiness is nothing more than a choice. So next time you feel like your world is crumbling down or you're sitting in your room crying and listening to sad songs ask yourself; are they worth it? Are these bullies worth making me feel this way? Most likely the answer will be no and that's the exact moment you should get up, go meet good people, and spend time with your real friends.
I'm not telling you it's not okay to be sad. They're natural feelings. Be sad and be mad all you want, just don't be sad and mad forever. Life is way to short to have it filled with negativity and hatefulness.
