29 Insane Jose Canseco Tweets

29 Insane Jose Canseco Tweets

"I see the inner dragon of people"
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Retired baseballer Jose Canseco's Twitter account is a goldmine, overlooked by many but home to dozens upon dozens of bewildering and hilarious dispatches from his enigmatic psyche. Among his favorite topics are the "sandsquatch," his ex-wife, and the various beings of the supernatural. I compiled a number of my favorite tweets.


1-2.


3-5.


6.


7.


8.

I don't even know what the fuck is going on here.


9.


10. In which Jose patronizes Jack Nicholson


11-16. In which Jose patronizes Elon Musk



17.


18. In which Jose channels Dril



19.


20.

21.


22.


23.


24-26.


These last three are my personal favorites.


27-29.

Cover Image Credit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/21/jose-canseco-goats-pulled-over-twitter_n_4316666.html

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​An Open Letter To The People Who Don’t Tip Their Servers

This one's for you.
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Dear Person Who Has No Idea How Much The 0 In The “Tip:" Line Matters,

I want to by asking you a simple question: Why?

Is it because you can't afford it? Is it because you are blind to the fact that the tip you leave is how the waiter/waitress serving you is making their living? Is it because you're just lazy and you “don't feel like it"?

Is it because you think that, while taking care of not only your table but at least three to five others, they took too long bringing you that side of ranch dressing? Or is it just because you're unaware that as a server these people make $2.85 an hour plus TIPS?

The average waiter/waitress is only supposed to be paid $2.13 an hour plus tips according to the U.S. Department of Labor.

That then leaves the waiter/waitress with a paycheck with the numbers **$0.00** and the words “Not a real paycheck." stamped on it. Therefore these men and women completely rely on the tips they make during the week to pay their bills.

So, with that being said, I have a few words for those of you who are ignorant enough to leave without leaving a few dollars in the “tip:" line.

Imagine if you go to work, the night starts off slow, then almost like a bomb went off the entire workplace is chaotic and you can't seem to find a minute to stop and breathe, let alone think about what to do next.

Imagine that you are helping a total of six different groups of people at one time, with each group containing two to 10 people.

Imagine that you are working your ass off to make sure that these customers have the best experience possible. Then you cash them out, you hand them a pen and a receipt, say “Thank you so much! It was a pleasure serving you, have a great day!"

Imagine you walk away to attempt to start one of the 17 other things you need to complete, watch as the group you just thanked leaves, and maybe even wave goodbye.

Imagine you are cleaning up the mess that they have so kindly left behind, you look down at the receipt and realize there's a sad face on the tip line of a $24.83 bill.

Imagine how devastated you feel knowing that you helped these people as much as you could just to have them throw water on the fire you need to complete the night.

Now, realize that whenever you decide not to tip your waitress, this is nine out of 10 times what they go through. I cannot stress enough how important it is for people to realize that this is someone's profession — whether they are a college student, a single mother working their second job of the day, a new dad who needs to pay off the loan he needed to take out to get a safer car for his child, your friend, your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, you.

If you cannot afford to tip, do not come out to eat. If you cannot afford the three alcoholic drinks you gulped down, plus your food and a tip do not come out to eat.

If you cannot afford the $10 wings that become half-off on Tuesdays plus that water you asked for, do not come out to eat.

If you cannot see that the person in front of you is working their best to accommodate you, while trying to do the same for the other five tables around you, do not come out to eat. If you cannot realize that the man or woman in front of you is a real person, with their own personal lives and problems and that maybe these problems have led them to be the reason they are standing in front of you, then do not come out to eat.

As a server myself, it kills me to see the people around me being deprived of the money that they were supposed to earn. It kills me to see the three dollars you left on a $40 bill. It kills me that you cannot stand to put yourself in our shoes — as if you're better than us. I wonder if you realize that you single-handedly ruined part of our nights.

I wonder if maybe one day you will be in our shoes, and I hope to God no one treats you how you have treated us. But if they do, then maybe you'll realize how we felt when you left no tip after we gave you our time.

Cover Image Credit: Hailea Shallock

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Nick Markakis Is One Of The Most Underrated Players In Baseball

And here's why.

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When people think of standout baseball players in the MLB, they think Mike Trout, Yasiel Puig, or Ronald Acuna Jr. All of these players are just that, standout, but they all have one thing in common — standout personalities. Their talent has the ability to speak for itself, but they play the game with an extra pizazz that makes them memorable and gives the people something to talk about.

Puig is known for his insane personality, a personality that sometimes gets in him trouble, but always on ESPN. Trout has a power that hasn't been seen in years and Acuna with a youth that sets him apart from the rest. All these players deserve every second of press they get, but there are other players that play good, solid baseball every game without the extra noise.

One of these players is the Atlanta Braves outfielder, Nick Markakis. Markakis is arguably one of the quietest players in the game, but one of the most reliable. He plays every game with a focused demeanor, but rarely shows emotions that could rattle his game.

In the outfield, he is one of the most reliable, never afraid to lay out for a ball or go for a ball nearing the stands. At the plate, his swing is simple but produces base hits and RBIs, all you can ask from a mid-lineup hitter. As a veteran player, his experience shows in every game, as he plays one game at a time.

Markakis lets his game speak for itself, and after his first All-Star season, he is finally beginning to get the recognition he deserves. A valuable asset to the Braves defense and offense, Nick Markakis is the type of player every team needs.

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