Yes, I know it's super bizarre, but I like to be busy. I really enjoy always having something to do. Of course, there’s down time, but it’s very minimal. I can never just sit down and relax, I’m always thinking what’s next. And if there’s not a next, then I create one. Thinking about it, it does seem very absurd, especially when most people complain about being busy or having too much on their plate. But there is something I enjoy about constantly going. I like the rush. Maybe it’s because I have struggled with bouts of anxiety in recent months, that I don’t like to sit down. A part of me is afraid to be bored, afraid that my mind will do me in. So in an effort to curb all these what if’s, I always find ways to preoccupy myself. Whether that’s homework, going to the gym or hanging out with friends, I’m constantly on the go.
In fact, I plan my days down to the tee, like the exact minute. Everything I do has a specific spot in my day. I plan accordingly around this. I bracket out times for going to the gym or going to eat, why? I don’t really know; I’ve always been a very regimented person. However, this trait of mind sometimes can get the best of me, especially if something goes wrong. The minute's something in my schedule varies I start to break down and overcompensate for the loss time. It’s crazy, I know. The more I try to wean myself off of this habit, the harder it becomes. For eighteen years I’ve lived my life down to the science and for eighteen years its predominately worked for me. But what happens when it doesn’t work.
This uncertainty is what makes the need to break this habit so crucial. Once I graduate college who knows where life is going to take. My schedule may be completely whacked, but I’m going to have to deal with it. I need to tell myself that it’s okay. I can’t live every day off the same routine. Change is good and I know that. I need to start implementing small bursts of change into my everyday routine in order to regulate my life again.
It’s not that I hate this characteristic about me, in fact, I love it, but it needs to be in small doses. I have to learn to let go. To step outside of my comfort zone and experience the free aspect of living. For so long, I’ve limited myself. I haven’t truly been able to enjoy the facets of life as they should be enjoyed. Now being a sophomore in college I have begun to recognize this. I see that the way I’m living is restricting me.
If you are like me and love to be busy, EMBRACE IT, but don’t let it control you. Being busy is good but being overly busy can cause you to miss out on some pretty awesome life experiences. So I encourage you to be free in your pursuit of life and don’t get hung up on the little things!
